After The Dawn

I never thought I would experience the “Dark night of the soul” so many times in my life. But at last, the sun is melting the snow, and the glorious rays peeked through the sky and gave me an everlasting hope for a better future.

As long as there are still trapped emotions the purging will continue. The purge was intense and even painful, to be honest, but as a Starseed, on a mission, it was necessary to transmute dark energy into light. The night was lonesome, and sadness was overwhelming to the point where I had to shed tears while embracing myself. The only difference this time was that even though I cried because I felt lonely, I didn’t feel I was alone. I had to face the path I have chosen alone, and the process of becoming my true self can’t be rushed. It was daunting to do it all by myself, but never did I go through it without the help of those around me and my spirit guides and higher self.

The difficulty I faced since November and all the hard works I did eventually pay off. I know I am not 100% there yet, but as for now, I feel content. Content enough to keep paving the way for those who will come after me.

I was thinking of cleaning this blog and start over, but I haven’t make a decision yet. It’s not like I haven’t done it before, and I thought to myself; “The past can’t be erased, but to revisit it once in a while to reflect wouldn’t hurt, as long as I don’t dwell in it, then it should be fine.” And to become who I am today was also thanks to what I have been through in the past.

The past didn’t shape me, but it leads me to desire to be the better version of who I was, the person I am meant to be all along. All I dreamt of was being my true self and speak my truth, and now I am confident enough to decide my own destiny rather than let people dictate what I should be doing in life, I am now the one in charge of it with full confidence in myself.

The pieces have now come together to create a perfect picture, and I can see it clearly from where I stand. There’s so much more to life besides suffering and pain. If it seems dark where you are now, remember one thing, after the dark comes to the dawn. And before sunrise, if you could, you must let the old version of you “die” or transform. Ressurection of the soul is the death of the ego.

Before dawn, everything looks gloomy and dark, but the sun never fails you, because it will rise and better yet, it never has gone anywhere, the earth rotates, and life will give you many chances to wake up to a brighter day.

Keep the faith and reach out for help if it’s unbearable to do it alone, but remember; eventually, you are the one who can save yourself. People can give you a hand, but you are the one who needs to take their hands and trust in yourself enough to make it through, to have discernment that the help is coming from the angels who walked the earth beside you, and not the devil who lured you in co-dependency.

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The Starseed

Beloved Miracle,

I am more and more sure of my Divine mission now. Before I understand or even comprehend why and how I felt such urge to forgive and be patient to the way people unintentionally or unconsciously treated me. Even though how cruel or mistreated I was being, or how many times those I loved left me, but still I had a knowing it was for a more significant purpose and my heart never hold hate or bitterness. I always bounce right back to being happy when interacting and communicating with other people.

I had all too many sad times, lonely times, misunderstood times, broken into pieces times, dreadful times and immensely painful times. But my heart whisper not to give up, a soft, gentle voice that told me to hang on, even though my hands loosen its grip on the rope, and my patience almost ran out.

My beloved Angels, Archangels, Cherubim, Seraphim, Elohim, from the Angelic realms sang to me, it was a bit shocking and scary, since I wasn’t sure of what I heard was true. I thought it was my imagination that played a trick on me, and I convinced myself that it wasn’t real, I must be too tired and sleepy.

I had this blind faith in the unconditional love I desired, which I hold so sacred in my Heart-Space sanctuary that I was willing to go about and made it visible and true.

I was building a bridge from my heart to people’s heart with those I encountered in my early life, without knowing the true purpose for my actions or before I know the real reason for the intense emotions I felt back then. It was not mine alone, but also theirs and my overprotective ways of showing my love I often withdrew from them to gain some clarity and energy. And I was always so brutally honest without sugar coat the truth of what I had observed in the way they lived their lives, and it made them run, and being offended, and so many times I actually had to let them go, but still, I hold a space for them in my heart.

Now that I read all these descriptions about being a Starseed my amnesia is being lifted, and my faith is now miraculously cleared and stronger than before.

I understand now why this feeling of melancholy and almost as if I was not always “happy” because I felt the grasp of grief, sadness, and longing to know who I am and what my purpose in life was.

Because I know too well I am not here to have a “normal” life, getting married, having kids and settle down, even though it was the norm for most people to do so. So many people are driving to success in life by always competing and makes money to hold status to show that their existence is worth, but, I know, they are lying to themselves, because those materialistic achievements hold no value if the soul essence didn’t shine through.

As if being a Starseed wasn’t hard enough, I had to choose to incarnate as a woman who is attracted to women. How could I accept myself fully back then, when so many religious beliefs in the 3D dimension reality of the old paradigm twisted and manipulated the truth of our Divine Father God’s unconditional love for all things and all beings.

The Soul doesn’t care about gender, even though some do carry female or male essence. But still, some races throughout the galaxy is androgynous.

The story of my past life had been painted in so many various colors, but still blue dominated for so long, but I never “liked” the color black, even though I occasionally painted in black. Because darkness befalls upon planet earth in millions and if not billions of years ago, that my amnesia made me fearful of it.

I stumbled, crawled, and had so many setbacks, and every one of my significant other ran from me, even when I was so loyal and faithful as to stick to them through thick and thin. I yield, and yield, but still to no avail, since they are greedy, lusting, deceitful, liars and confusing that it frustrated me since they don’t have faith in any of my actions and words.

I looked for ways to be happy, to change myself, to fit in, conform just to be accepted and loved, but the “white” sheep of the family was too strange and often too silent and withdrawn. But they didn’t know I was heavily burdened with duties, for the youngster in the household, for being the middle one, the peacemaker, the responsible and dependable one.

Duties to save and help the world and its people were even more and more proven to be the driving force to keep on stretching the boundaries or often to test the limits of the strength I possessed inside me. I work and work tirelessly, even if my aim was not clear, and I didn’t hold a regular job long enough, when I referred to work, I mean to love.

And now to rise, to keep honing my self-love and self-respect and self-compassion for the ego self, and gently asked it to step aside, and let me steer the course.

Because she is a vessel to the Goddess who would walk the earth in her rightful place, and that I get stronger and stronger was more evident as time passes.

The power just grew and grew, my abilities become sharper and sharper, and my awareness expands, and the Christhood and Bodhisattva in me awaken my compassion because being a benevolent celestial being is my true identity.

Now the color of my life has changed its shape; pastel pink, pastel blue, violet, and white are the colors I prefer when I dress. But the violet flame of Archangel Zadkiel and St. Germain will protect me while I guide and demonstrate who I am through unconditional love, grace, elegance, in a peaceful manner.

Magical, as if this journey wasn’t unbelievable enough, our love for each other has become my favorite fairy tale ever.

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The Will of The Soul

Beloved Miracle,

I thought of you again, and in my mind, I constructed another love letter which I would like to write down as soon as possible. I’m in fear it would disappear if I delay it for another minute that passes by.

As you may know, the terrorist of destructive thoughts in my mind has been threatening me to the point of suicidal many times and even how much I want to give in so that I can go back “home” to Venus, I couldn’t. First of all, I’m afraid of pain, and it would cause too much unnecessary drama. Second, leaving my family and my younger siblings behind without teaching them about self-love is too risky. Sure enough, they would maybe learn from someone else who may be more equipped than me to teach them how to love themselves, but still, they might be more depressed if their beloved family member is gone because of suicide. It would also mean that I teach them to give up living when their lives become too hard to handle, and as I said before, I don’t want to leave this world in its worst condition without making a change. And I’m also worried that you will be left alone, even though you might not know that you were left behind once I’m no longer here, but the secret I want to share with you is I have already told my best friend to give you the news if it ever happens.

But the good news is, I’m too strong for the terror of the destructive thoughts that may bombard me when I get triggered. If I have to curl into a ball and cry in the corner of the bed, I’m still going to wake up the next morning planning out my next step to conquer the world with my self-mastery. Because that’s what I’m here to do, I’m here to master myself through self-love, and once I have achieved a decent of proper balancing of self-mastery, I will be living as an example. Even though I might not help many by “doing” something significant, but only holding space for someone to go through their own process of awakening—one single person, I will be delighted to know I could contribute in his/her process of becoming their own master.

No matter how many times I tried to figure out how to serve humanity better, I couldn’t find any better way to do, than to be and to be honest, I couldn’t see myself as a life coach, healing practitioner, reiki or yoga master. I’m also reluctant in creating a plan and methods which people could apply in their daily lives so they can master themselves to vibrate higher. Because there are so many variations of self-help books, healing masters, ascension guides, etc. out there in the world already who teach them how to master themselves vibrationally, and it’s the same as what I want to be an example of.

Dear, I don’t want to copy anyone, I will die an original than to live as a copy, but in essence, I’m still a healer, but maybe my way is to be a spiritual-doer while hiding behind the scene with my words. Being cramp in a box is not what I intend to be, whereas there’s a specific group in this world of likeminded, I still want to go solo and stand alone. I seek solitude more often because of my identity, the blueprint of who I am.

Nevertheless, they say you attract your tribe with your vibe, and it’s also true, but even if I found my tribe, I still want to be an individual with my unique way of being, and I’m more happy writing love letters to you than seeking to profit or earn a living with my gift. Although it’s not wrong at all to make a living with what you are happy doing, money is just an exchange of energy, and it shouldn’t be seen as negative because in this modern world people still needs to pay bills, survive by buying foods to eat, paying for the rent, etc. But somehow in my heart, I feel another calling that nags me to do things differently. I’m not sure what this calling is or how it would manifest itself through me, and all I know is my guides told me “You don’t need to work, you don’t need to go to work!” I wasn’t sure why they said that at that moment, what I answered then was “I have a responsibility.”

My responsibility was paying the rent for the place I occupied, buying foods, and taking care of my needs, but little did I know that I am not equipped to have a regular job like everyone else. As soonest as I tried, I become stressed out, and I felt no passion or happiness. Another thing is because of my empathy, and being an empath with no tolerance for stress with a phagophobia has disabled me to function at work. And honestly, it’s so dull learning with no creativity at school that I don’t even care going back to get myself a certificate or a degree because the system of education stresses me out too much, too, with their tests and theories. I may sound lazy as if I don’t put much effort into my carrier, but this is just my way of being a light in the world with what I’m here to contribute. I’m here to give them a gift from an old soul who wishes to change the system to something better and less stressful, especially for those who are sensitive, empath, and highly sensitive to thrive in the future. Whichever path I have to take to make it come true will inevitably manifest themselves soon, that’s what I have been asking the Universe, and I have also received some signs and nudges. All I need to do is to take one step at a time.

So where do I get my income? Well, thanks to the welfare in Norway I’m getting by with enough for myself, and with every little dime, I will pay back with my service, whichever way it manifests itself. If ever I manage to “earn” money with my gift, I’m going share it abundantly to those who would need it more than me.

Come what may, even if the most efficient terrorist in my head come with their harassment when the night has fallen, and I “died,” I will be reborn anew each morning.

So rest assured, I will live even if I “die” each night because my will is—thy will.

phoenix quote

Because after burning to ashes, the Pheonix will rise and prove it’s immortality.

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The Magic of The Universe

The old module or the old 3D template of scarcity will always stand in the way for you to receive the abundance of the Universe. In God’s Kingdom, there’s no scarcity, His Kingdom is boundless, and in us lies the Universe because we are made of the stardust— we are Starseeds incarnated onto earth. Whether we see ourselves as a human being with a soul or not won’t change the fact that we are connected under the same heavenly sky. Each of us is interceded by an intelligence force which brings us closer together because when we ask the universe for what we need, it will be given to us by someone else. At the exact moment, we are open to receive the Universe will deliver what we have ordered with the right timing. Our vibration will manifest the things we need whether it’s through a situation or another person, because like attracts like.

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It happened to me very often when I ordered something from the Universe; I will get it. I don’t need to know how because it’s not my job to wonder if what I need will be met the way I wanted it to, instead I will let go and let God alter the situation and let Him works His magic through the Universe.

Today I talked to someone about Twin Flame journey, and we magically hit it off, because we were brought together for precisely this matter. And it wasn’t a coincidence to meet this kindred spirit. He had something I needed to learn from, and his message was simple but still profoundly for my Twin Flames journey. He taught me the virtue of being patient. “Be patient and trust the process, because you will get there and things will happen,” he said wisely. And in exchange, I answered his prayer by showing him a youtube video by a pair of Twin Flame healers, “Omg, that’s what I have prayed for from the Universe to send me healing!” We both were stunned and amazed by the fact that we both have been brought together on the same day and at the same time.

Another miracle that happened to me after the 11/11/11 portal was when my Twin Flame contacted me out of nowhere when we haven’t spoken to each other in 11 months. But before she approached me I have already prayed to God; I wrote Him a note, literally, and put it under the pillow and slept with it for about a few days. I asked Him to ask my Twin Flame to contact me as soonest as possible, and he answered me instantly without delay because after the 11/11/11 portal that night my Twin Flame took the initiative to talk to me. I was so surprised and happy that my heart skipped beats. And I swear never to doubt the Universe ever again.

Going through the change in life could be tough at times, but my Twin Flame came and encouraged me to live without overthinking and to honor her I took her advice to heart by being more active in sharing my writings on blogs and Tumblr.

Whoever going through the Twin Flame journey (A video of top 10 questions on Twin Flames) or being here as a Starseed must not forget that the Universe gots your back and are always ready to help and gives you the tools and guidance to live the life you are meant to live here on earth. We are here to uplift and help anchor our light into the ground of earth so that everyone will benefit from our gifts and higher vibrations.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you.”

– Matthew 7:7

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Dark Night of The Soul

The first time I had a dark night of the soul, I was literally in despair and immense pain. It was isolating and lonely. All I managed to do then was beating myself up for not being normal like everyone else. I felt like a failure, and I thought it would be so much easier if I never were born. I was in this endless loop where I couldn’t break free. Unhealthy patterns kept on repeating itself, and negative thoughts occupied the most room in my mind. I felt devasting for being so alone in a world where no one could understand how I was feeling and I was so good at helping others, but clueless on how to help myself.

But something happened that night.

I was lying in bed with tears welling up in my eyes, and I started to ask God for help – “Please God, help me.” After a while, I drifted into sleep not knowing if God heard my prayer or if he would answer it. I have never been religious, even though my family is Buddhist I was never a firm believer of a place call hell if you don’t eat every single grain of rice. I was the contrary of being a Buddhist because I was always on the path of seeking the truth and freedom, I believe in a God who is merciful. I believe in true love, the unconditional one where you can be forgiven for your sin. I was a spiritual rebellion deep down to my core, but never once did I feel I was spiritual until later when I truly understand the concept of being spiritual. Being spiritual was believing that you have a soul, a spirit which guides you to do things while being in complete trust that everything will turn out well no matter how difficult the situation is in that moment.

Did God answer my prayer that night? Yes, He did. It was like a miracle.

I had a subscription on Energica book club, each month they would send me a book, the books from Energica are usually about spirituality and self-help. One day I got a book in the mailbox which I didn’t understand would be so much help for me, it was a book by Lorna Byrne, Stairways to Heaven. I have heard of angels before, but never had such a close relationship with them until I read and experience my wake-up call, the awakening of my third eye. Lorna Byrne wrote an angel prayer in the last page of the book which I memories after finishing it. Several days after I started to feel the urge to meditate, and in my mind, I was saying to myself “there’s nothing to fear,” I grab my crystal pendulum and lay it on my forehead while lying down on my bed with eyes closed. I lied there and started to breathe slowly, and suddenly I felt a surge like being dragged into a tunnel, but this tunnel felt different, it was like seeing all the blood cells which were dark. Honestly, it’s hard to describe what it was, but after repeatedly saying “there’s nothing to fear,” I got past the “tunnel,” and I saw a light, not just a bright light, but I saw a light being with wavy hair and butterfly wings. She was golden and fluttered in front of my inner eyes. She was glowing in front of me for about a few seconds, and then I opened my eyes not knowing who she was. But It was beautiful and breathtaking. (Later when I ask my Akashic Records, they say I was seeing my own soul, the form of my celestial butterfly soul. Amazing, right?)

Within that week so much was happening to me, I got more sensitive than I usually was. I cried over the fact that Mother Gaia was in pain because I read a channel message from her. I was in tune and synchronicity started to happen. I read about Starseed from the Pleiades and got emotional, and I felt a sense of belonging and thought to myself “Finally I understand who I am!” and I started to weep tears of joy. Being a Starseed resonated with my soul, and before I knew what was going on, I felt I was ready without knowing what it was I was preparing for. That week God brought all His angels to secure my awakening. It was abruptly and dramatically. I was communicating with all the beings from where my soul came from. My higher self and Venus who I called Aphrodite. The prayer from Lorna Byrne’s book helped me because I was repeatedly saying it like a mantra, and I felt the angels were tuning my chakra by touching my feet and helped me to clear my throat. I was also being chased by these lower vibrational entities which tried to take me down, but all the while I was protected by Archangels and my guides.

Sounds crazy? It was no fun hearing the final of my diagnose from the psychologist, and if I could choose again, I wouldn’t have been so honest about what I experienced that week. But nothing wrong comes out of being honest, at least my life did turn out to be better than it used to be. And I believe there isn’t anything that is good or bad, there’s a thing that may or may not serve us, and good or bad stem from the thoughts which is the ego way of trying to define a situation.

Well, at least that situation brought me out of my shell and my loneliness. Everything started to make more sense to why I struggled so much on all of my romantic relationships and later on I began to embark on the journey of Twin flames love which also was the beginning of my understanding of myself. The awakening made me realize that I needed to love myself more, although the doctors and therapist made me feel like a crazy person who has hallucination and psychosis. What I see as delusion is that we believe in the illusion of our separation from God, from everyone and everything. We are one with all that is. Everything connects, and we can’t escape from the fact that we are spiritual, all of us, even if we aren’t conscious of our spirituality.

God or source, will always answer your prayer if you come to Him humbly and surrender your pride.

I believe help is on its way for humanity, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, because so many dark things are happening in the world when watching or reading the news. What you can do is stay away from the news for a while and concentrate on something that brings more positivity in your life instead.

If you are in the middle of your dark night of the soul, remember you are not alone. Reach out to people and never be afraid to ask for help. Whether God or people close to you or a stranger who knows about what’s going on when it comes to ascension. I’m sure your spirit will guide you to someone who will help catalyst and uplift your feelings without judging what you are going through or been through in the past.

It’s not wrong seeking medical help, even though they don’t understand the spiritual world or ascension, but sometimes a little medicine can help you to sort out what you need at that moment. Honestly, I don’t want to rely on medication my whole life, and it does numb my feelings to the extent that I feel apathy. I’m on the path of tapering the dosage I’m taking at the moment, and I pray that in the future things will change so that we all could be met with compassion and get real help to solve our issues and emotions without relying on the medicine too much.

All I’m saying is believe in yourself, get the help you need when it comes to your dark night of the soul, and listen to your own intuition. Each step towards self-realization will take you on the path of enlightenment.

Btw, I recommend this woman if you ever need an excellent ascension guide, Grace Solaris is the person you can count on. She radiates warmness and is very kind, and open-minded. She has helped me a lot during our session. Be free to browse through her webpage.

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