I never thought I would say this, but writing is now my second best hobby. I have been too busy with my new found freedom and immersed myself in cooking that I haven’t had the time to write. My passion lies elsewhere now; it’s in food and cooking. Yeah, you heard me. Can you believe that someone like me who had a fear for swallowing solid food is now staying hours after hours in the kitchen to make homemade food?
My Akashic Records has already told me years ago that my fear for swallowing solid food and the fear of choking has been because I didn’t speak my truth and were always holding back all the words I wanted to say.
I didn’t have the courage back then to speak up and unload piles of responsibilities back to my mom and shared them with my siblings regarding helping her. I thought I didn’t have a choice to live my own life. It was probably a belief that has been programmed within me since I was very young. The Vietnamese culture is when you are old enough you are to support your parents when they are old, and as their children, your responsibility is to make sure to give them a hand when they need your help. Due to respect and to be “filial” towards your parents who gave you life, birthed you to this world, but that belief has never been valid for me since I felt it was something not quite right with that tradition. I felt such a conflict because I wanted to help out of compassion and unconditional love, but not out of duty or coercion. Even though my mom probably never intend to coerce me to do all those things, but her behaviors when I rebelled against the tradition was not discreet. It could also be because I am susceptible and could quickly pick up other people’s feelings. I notice how dissatisfied she was every time I “try” to do it my “way.” It was conflict and resistance from both of us; I didn’t like the tradition, but my grandparents raised her with it so it must be hard for her to accept her daughter rebelling against the very thing she believed in her entire life.
Since the new moon in 4th February, my higher self has made her appearance (I’m not going to go into details about it just yet), and more of the upgrading I felt has shifted my family behaviors towards me. Something has changed between all of us due to my truth. I spoke it so openly and released so much pain and suffering in front of them; it was an episode of lots of tears from my side. My higher self intended it that way because something had to change since my heart was so locked that to receive love from others were nearly impossible. Later I found out that I actually didn’t trust others at all, and always felt I had to be on guard 24/7 when interacting with others and even when I was alone I couldn’t relax. I had a “need” to prepare for what could happen to me if I say this or that; spending most of my nights worrying, planning and calculating. It was exhausting for me to be that way, honestly, but after the 4th February, everything shifted, I get to spend two weeks relaxing and mostly because of the appearance of my higher self and the confirmation from my Akashic Records, I finally can rest with the assurance that all is well. That my work is paying off, and the time ahead will be brighter.
I don’t want to spend time thinking about how the future will be like in five years or more, but at this moment I know what I want, and I am creating the life I always wanted to have, with passion and dedication. I want to be my true self, my higher self and all the most living my truth without coercing others to believe in what I know is right for me.
People can believe whatever they want when it comes to this world and themselves and even others, it doesn’t have to be my business to change their beliefs. It’s not my job to correct them since the only one I can change is myself, and the burden is unloaded and put away once I accept people just the way they are. It’s probably how unconditional love is because the first step I must take is to love myself unconditionally and fully accept my flaws and quirks. The aspect of me who needed validation, respect, and love, the part of being human which I always reject, because I felt so imperfect, was healed once I loved myself and gave myself what I thought I could get from other. Whatever I needed outside of myself has always been within me, and the journey inwards to realize it was scary since my beliefs were because I was unworthy and ugly. My self-love issue was huge, and it took nearly a decade or two with deep reflection and upgrading of the higher consciousness and of course the help of my higher self that I could finally stop asking for validation and love from other people to heal and focus on nurturing myself with care and tenderness.
I don’t need to ask for permission to live my life from my parents or anyone else. All I needed was to decide and make a choice — a crucial decision whether I want to live with the feeling of imprisonment or freedom; to speak my truth.
And the truth is creating a life of my own was better than living someone else’s life, because chances are they don’t even know what or how to live their own, so why follow their design?
Whether you like it or not, but someday you will feel “enough is enough,” and decide to leave the old to embrace the new; the new life of your creation and the you who always longed to be accepted by you. It’s at least what I wish for you. Happiness is easily achieved once you accept yourself fully for who you are, and love yourself with the imperfection you had always felt within you.
What beliefs weighed you down at this moment? Sometimes asking yourselves questions will give you the solution and answer to your problems.