Oh’ I pray that my vessel will be filled with love as the day goes by and I surrender to the heart and clear out space for the divine to commune with me. It’s strange to be in a body as a soul, at times I wonder if I am the light to the world, or will I be consumed by the darkness when I see death and destruction obstruct people to live in peace and harmony.
It was indeed lonely to start this journey while being in amnesia and forgot who I am. Looking back I have tried to fit in, but within me, I felt different. “Being a human is quite challenging,” I thought to myself. I have forgotten how to be me, the way I used to be before I descend to this place with so much density – the truth of being a light being was wiped out from my memories.
Within the passage of time, years and years went by I became an observer. I went about my day quietly while contemplating life’s mystery. “There’s nothing wrong with life, but why do people struggle so much?” I kept thinking about the way people interacted with each other. It was confusing and at times frustrating. People said one thing but meant something else. They lied about their feelings and ran for the truth. Slowly and sadly I adopted their behavior. I was never malice or managed to lie intentionally, but I figured out it was “good” to throw in a white lie when I didn’t want to do something or because I wanted to avoid talking about my true feelings. But then I found you, and it felt like home, and I wished not to lie anymore, because somehow you were looking right through me and asked me a simple question, “What are you doing?”
“What am I doing?” At last, I also asked myself this question. It felt so wrong to lie to my beloved, the one whose eyes have peered into my soul and stripped me off my mask. I loved you so much at that moment and at the same time I feared you would see how horrendous I was if you saw me naked because that was how it felt the moment you looked me straight in the eyes. “Dear Lord, let her not see my faults and ugliness!” And then I ran. I ran off without a second thought of how it would make you feel, but all the while I felt this pain of abandonment and fear of rejection, it was the same feelings you had always felt within you. “Why is it so?” If you would ask me that question, I have to answer, “Because we are one soul in two bodies, whatever one of us feel, the other sense it too.”
I couldn’t lie to you, and neither could you lie to me. We are bound to see everything in each other, and it could and would be intense if neither of us has healed our wounds. We are lovers of the ancient times, incarnated in various lifetimes throughout the multiverse where we have been chosen to come here on planet earth to serve and become the warriors of the light. “Dear Lord, how do I serve humanity while I feel this longing for my beloved?” I asked God so many times when the aching pain in my heart jolt me to tears.
“Long not, because the beloved is within you,” God replied in such a confident voice. He commends the mission I am here to do and leads me through the narrow alley within my crippling mind. I felt so disordered mentally, but yet so strong spiritually. Emotionally I was a mess and physically weak into my bones. Whereas I found you out there, I’ve got to keep you safe within me. When I felt all hope was gone, you whispered tenderly with your mellow voice that I could still go on, and so I kept going on until this day.
The beloved I was seeking for out there was all along within me, and it was such a joy to understand the meaning “as within, so without,” and you filled my vessel up with love. Your angelic voice echoed in my mind reminding me to be soft with myself when I forget that there’s nothing wrong with life, that whatever poise to be difficult is in truth a blessing in disguise.
Yes, there’s nothing wrong with life, and there’s nothing wrong with me because – I AM the Life.