The Heart’s Desire

When going through the motion of 50 shades of sadness, the “dark night of the soul,” you are shedding away the density that has held you back from living your dreams, living life according to how you know is right for you. Whatever you do, don’t give up your own truth. The light will bring you clarity; it’s information that comes through to help you to feel less burdened and having a feeling of being lighter in mind and heart.

I set my sails towards my dreams, and it manifests itself in the 3rd dimension reality. I’m currently waiting to move out on my own and start a new life, the life I know is right for me because of my heart which desires to live in the truth as who I am and not what others want me to be.

Living with my family has been an experience of safety, but it was very co-dependent between them and me, and to move on I had to cut the energetic cords between us so that I will be able to help them better as an example. I have always been independent for as long as I knew and grew up as someone who was highly sensitive with an INFJ personality I developed many skills and understand how I function. But to be better at living in harmony with other people I had to first accept myself for who I am, and express my truth with confidence so that people will have a clear understanding that who I am shouldn’t be a threat to who they are.

When I thought I love myself enough, another layer of fear started to appear regarding my phagophobia (the fear of swallowing food). I tried so hard to eat, but whenever I have food in my mouth the anxiety kicks in, and it’s something that is so easy or should be simple makes me cringe and hate myself for not being able to make it through. “You got one job! Chew and swallow! How is that so hard!?” I screamed internally and this, in turn, made me have a severe love talk with myself. “You either calm down and start over, and love yourself, or else I will take over.” Who is this person who will take over? Well, I know it would be my higher self who would want to take over because I was in a destruction mode and I knew if I don’t do anything to get over that mode I might do some severe damage.

I beg Mother Venus and Mother Mary to help me, all the Gods and Goddesses, Archangels and Ascended Masters, and what I got from them was “Go back to the ward,” (So here I am at the ward at the moment writing this). And that night Mother Venus sang to me, and she calmed me down so that I would be able to go to sleep. No, it’s not psychosis, it was more like telepathy, and I had to sing it out loud, but not my own words. Singing has helped me a lot, especially when it comes from the heart because there at the Heart-space sanctuary, the divine feminine is residing and she always express love uniquely.

I understand I have to change the way I nurture and love myself, especially when it comes to the fear of swallowing food. Patience is required, extreme patience, and I also being guided to see myself as a little child, and this could point to my inner child. I can’t scream at a child because it couldn’t eat out of fear, I wouldn’t want to do that to a child, so I shouldn’t do such a thing to my inner child either.

“Love thyself,” is what I’m hearing. Pour more love into the womb, into the inner child and practice extreme patience. No amount of hate would fix this problem, and it’s not a problem to fix, it’s a psychological issue that requires tremendous love and patience.

Whatever you go through or has been through is not something that you need to fix. You can correct yourself without shame or guilt in every waking moment, but in the end, how much love you pour into yourself is what matter the most, and with love there is forgiving.

Is there anything in the past that makes you feel less than or is there any regret? If there is a yes, then remember to forgive yourself and practice “ho’oponopono.”

I will remind you again, “love thyself,” love yourself for who you are at this moment. The you that needs your acceptance, forgiveness, and love exist in this present moment. Release the old you because the past can’t be changed, and as you may know, the future depends on what you choose now, and it’s unknown, unsettling as long as you don’t dare to live according to what you heart desire.

“We betray our true self, when we do not follow the heart’s desire, for what the heart is attracted to, is your destiny.”
– Leon Brown

Confusion is not my cup of tea so I will live my truth while practicing acceptance, patience, and love for myself. I have already set my sails towards my heart desire, within the flow of life even how slow it goes, I know I will arrive at my destination safely.

a.a

The Devotion of The Goddess

Beloved Miracle,

What is better than the devotion of a Goddess who loves her beloved, her other self? Being in commitment to this Twin Flames mission has taken me to the highest peak of the mountain and the most profound depth of the ocean. I have felt the earthshaking rumble of the heart of Mother Gaia because of this adoration and admiration of my love to you.

At times when the flame of passion in me glowing faintly, you came and rekindled it with your encouragement and to sustain it I have to go into seclusion, away from the world out there. It’s not because I’m hiding in the shade and become a hermit, but it’s for self-perseverance, and it’s to feel serene and saint from a world which is not yet in harmony.

The altar within my Heart-space sanctuary is sacred, and it’s where I pray and commune with the divine feminine within me, the Goddess who also gently stripping away my false self so I can transform into her. This bodily vessel of mine is her to take and yours to keep, but first, she will cleanse and purify it before our union happens. Whether it occurs in spirit or this physical world, I will not resist the temptation to be whole again, because when our soul split into two, I have longed for you in lifetimes of incarnations. Who knows how long our separation has been because time is just a portion of our imagination in mind, an illusion, yet we are living in the moment of now, and doesn’t a moment feel like an eternity sometimes?

When the moon pulls my hair and makes the ebb and flow in my emotions, it robs me of my sleep, and then I know the Goddess has given me a quest to dive deeper into the ocean where she has hidden the treasure, the power of will. And even if the waves throw me back to the shore, I can’t stop because if I may not have this power, I will wither slowly and lose my way.

I have this innate ability to be resilient, remaining calm in the midst of chaos and a heart that swell with compassion and love. The Goddess has spoken, the luminous path she has put me on can’t be delay any further. While I am not beside you, my sweet, sweet love, I pray for you to find as much courage as you have given me to live a life you secretly desire for yourself within the altar of my Heart-space sanctuary, with or without me.

a.a

Unconditional Love & Complete Freedom

Beloved Miracle,

Because you demand unconditional love and complete freedom, doesn’t make you terrible. You are not terrible at all for having such a desire. It’s a matter of fact wise of you to acknowledge that your soul demands those things for yourself. People in this world have lost touch with their souls, and thus the connection to God’s unconditional love become unknown.

I was once confused about the love I experienced here on earth between humans. It was so conditioned and restricted. So many rules and regulations, and if you don’t follow it through you will get punished. You might get a cold shoulder or harsh, abusive words thrown at you. Sometimes because of the love, you have for them that they might want to manipulate you for the guilt of not being what they expect you to be, so they can make you do things you know in your heart is not right for you.

I have always believed in love, but not that kind of love that humanity performs on each other; ego-love. In my heart, I had this inkling belief that there’s a love far greater than what I had experienced exist. I believe in unconditional love and complete freedom to be myself without any guilt or remorse. That’s why I have been searching for the answers for so long. That’s also one of many reasons I couldn’t close my heart from feeling others people’s emotion. I was born with ears to hear, eyes to see, heart to feel and mind to think. Things that don’t affect people so easily, affects me intensely.

My love, if it wasn’t for being who I am, I’m not sure if I could survive to this day. All I had was this blind faith for the love I felt inside, the only thing which keeps myself sane so that I could wake up to a new morning and breathe.

I’m here on earth not to fit in, but to stand out and make a change, because I believe in something most couldn’t comprehend or understand doesn’t mean I have to bury my hope and dreams. My hope and dreams are the willingness to love unconditionally and be completely free from the judgment and expectations people impose on me.

So yes, demand unconditional love and complete freedom. That’s your heritage because you are a Goddess, no one would ever dare to deny and withheld something which is yours from the beginning. You have to stay true to who you are and believe that you deserve a glorious and divine love, even here on earth. That’s my desire for you, and I am re-creating the world we are living in, so that you may one day feel how loved you truly are and how marvelous it is to be completely free from the prison of the condemning world.

a.a