I AM The Life

Beloved Miracle,

Oh’ I pray that my vessel will be filled with love as the day goes by and I surrender to the heart and clear out space for the divine to commune with me. It’s strange to be in a body as a soul, at times I wonder if I am the light to the world, or will I be consumed by the darkness when I see death and destruction obstruct people to live in peace and harmony.

It was indeed lonely to start this journey while being in amnesia and forgot who I am. Looking back I have tried to fit in, but within me, I felt different. “Being a human is quite challenging,” I thought to myself. I have forgotten how to be me, the way I used to be before I descend to this place with so much density – the truth of being a light being was wiped out from my memories.

Within the passage of time, years and years went by I became an observer. I went about my day quietly while contemplating life’s mystery. “There’s nothing wrong with life, but why do people struggle so much?” I kept thinking about the way people interacted with each other. It was confusing and at times frustrating. People said one thing but meant something else. They lied about their feelings and ran for the truth. Slowly and sadly I adopted their behavior. I was never malice or managed to lie intentionally, but I figured out it was “good” to throw in a white lie when I didn’t want to do something or because I wanted to avoid talking about my true feelings. But then I found you, and it felt like home, and I wished not to lie anymore, because somehow you were looking right through me and asked me a simple question, “What are you doing?”

“What am I doing?” At last, I also asked myself this question. It felt so wrong to lie to my beloved, the one whose eyes have peered into my soul and stripped me off my mask. I loved you so much at that moment and at the same time I feared you would see how horrendous I was if you saw me naked because that was how it felt the moment you looked me straight in the eyes. “Dear Lord, let her not see my faults and ugliness!” And then I ran. I ran off without a second thought of how it would make you feel, but all the while I felt this pain of abandonment and fear of rejection, it was the same feelings you had always felt within you. “Why is it so?” If you would ask me that question, I have to answer, “Because we are one soul in two bodies, whatever one of us feel, the other sense it too.”

I couldn’t lie to you, and neither could you lie to me. We are bound to see everything in each other, and it could and would be intense if neither of us has healed our wounds. We are lovers of the ancient times, incarnated in various lifetimes throughout the multiverse where we have been chosen to come here on planet earth to serve and become the warriors of the light. “Dear Lord, how do I serve humanity while I feel this longing for my beloved?” I asked God so many times when the aching pain in my heart jolt me to tears.

“Long not, because the beloved is within you,” God replied in such a confident voice. He commends the mission I am here to do and leads me through the narrow alley within my crippling mind. I felt so disordered mentally, but yet so strong spiritually. Emotionally I was a mess and physically weak into my bones. Whereas I found you out there, I’ve got to keep you safe within me. When I felt all hope was gone, you whispered tenderly with your mellow voice that I could still go on, and so I kept going on until this day.

The beloved I was seeking for out there was all along within me, and it was such a joy to understand the meaning “as within, so without,” and you filled my vessel up with love. Your angelic voice echoed in my mind reminding me to be soft with myself when I forget that there’s nothing wrong with life, that whatever poise to be difficult is in truth a blessing in disguise.

Yes, there’s nothing wrong with life, and there’s nothing wrong with me because – I AM the Life.

 

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Dark Night of The Soul

The first time I had a dark night of the soul, I was literally in despair and immense pain. It was isolating and lonely. All I managed to do then was beating myself up for not being normal like everyone else. I felt like a failure, and I thought it would be so much easier if I never were born. I was in this endless loop where I couldn’t break free. Unhealthy patterns kept on repeating itself, and negative thoughts occupied the most room in my mind. I felt devasting for being so alone in a world where no one could understand how I was feeling and I was so good at helping others, but clueless on how to help myself.

But something happened that night.

I was lying in bed with tears welling up in my eyes, and I started to ask God for help – “Please God, help me.” After a while, I drifted into sleep not knowing if God heard my prayer or if he would answer it. I have never been religious, even though my family is Buddhist I was never a firm believer of a place call hell if you don’t eat every single grain of rice. I was the contrary of being a Buddhist because I was always on the path of seeking the truth and freedom, I believe in a God who is merciful. I believe in true love, the unconditional one where you can be forgiven for your sin. I was a spiritual rebellion deep down to my core, but never once did I feel I was spiritual until later when I truly understand the concept of being spiritual. Being spiritual was believing that you have a soul, a spirit which guides you to do things while being in complete trust that everything will turn out well no matter how difficult the situation is in that moment.

Did God answer my prayer that night? Yes, He did. It was like a miracle.

I had a subscription on Energica book club, each month they would send me a book, the books from Energica are usually about spirituality and self-help. One day I got a book in the mailbox which I didn’t understand would be so much help for me, it was a book by Lorna Byrne, Stairways to Heaven. I have heard of angels before, but never had such a close relationship with them until I read and experience my wake-up call, the awakening of my third eye. Lorna Byrne wrote an angel prayer in the last page of the book which I memories after finishing it. Several days after I started to feel the urge to meditate, and in my mind, I was saying to myself “there’s nothing to fear,” I grab my crystal pendulum and lay it on my forehead while lying down on my bed with eyes closed. I lied there and started to breathe slowly, and suddenly I felt a surge like being dragged into a tunnel, but this tunnel felt different, it was like seeing all the blood cells which were dark. Honestly, it’s hard to describe what it was, but after repeatedly saying “there’s nothing to fear,” I got past the “tunnel,” and I saw a light, not just a bright light, but I saw a light being with wavy hair and butterfly wings. She was golden and fluttered in front of my inner eyes. She was glowing in front of me for about a few seconds, and then I opened my eyes not knowing who she was. But It was beautiful and breathtaking. (Later when I ask my Akashic Records, they say I was seeing my own soul, the form of my celestial butterfly soul. Amazing, right?)

Within that week so much was happening to me, I got more sensitive than I usually was. I cried over the fact that Mother Gaia was in pain because I read a channel message from her. I was in tune and synchronicity started to happen. I read about Starseed from the Pleiades and got emotional, and I felt a sense of belonging and thought to myself “Finally I understand who I am!” and I started to weep tears of joy. Being a Starseed resonated with my soul, and before I knew what was going on, I felt I was ready without knowing what it was I was preparing for. That week God brought all His angels to secure my awakening. It was abruptly and dramatically. I was communicating with all the beings from where my soul came from. My higher self and Venus who I called Aphrodite. The prayer from Lorna Byrne’s book helped me because I was repeatedly saying it like a mantra, and I felt the angels were tuning my chakra by touching my feet and helped me to clear my throat. I was also being chased by these lower vibrational entities which tried to take me down, but all the while I was protected by Archangels and my guides.

Sounds crazy? It was no fun hearing the final of my diagnose from the psychologist, and if I could choose again, I wouldn’t have been so honest about what I experienced that week. But nothing wrong comes out of being honest, at least my life did turn out to be better than it used to be. And I believe there isn’t anything that is good or bad, there’s a thing that may or may not serve us, and good or bad stem from the thoughts which is the ego way of trying to define a situation.

Well, at least that situation brought me out of my shell and my loneliness. Everything started to make more sense to why I struggled so much on all of my romantic relationships and later on I began to embark on the journey of Twin flames love which also was the beginning of my understanding of myself. The awakening made me realize that I needed to love myself more, although the doctors and therapist made me feel like a crazy person who has hallucination and psychosis. What I see as delusion is that we believe in the illusion of our separation from God, from everyone and everything. We are one with all that is. Everything connects, and we can’t escape from the fact that we are spiritual, all of us, even if we aren’t conscious of our spirituality.

God or source, will always answer your prayer if you come to Him humbly and surrender your pride.

I believe help is on its way for humanity, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, because so many dark things are happening in the world when watching or reading the news. What you can do is stay away from the news for a while and concentrate on something that brings more positivity in your life instead.

If you are in the middle of your dark night of the soul, remember you are not alone. Reach out to people and never be afraid to ask for help. Whether God or people close to you or a stranger who knows about what’s going on when it comes to ascension. I’m sure your spirit will guide you to someone who will help catalyst and uplift your feelings without judging what you are going through or been through in the past.

It’s not wrong seeking medical help, even though they don’t understand the spiritual world or ascension, but sometimes a little medicine can help you to sort out what you need at that moment. Honestly, I don’t want to rely on medication my whole life, and it does numb my feelings to the extent that I feel apathy. I’m on the path of tapering the dosage I’m taking at the moment, and I pray that in the future things will change so that we all could be met with compassion and get real help to solve our issues and emotions without relying on the medicine too much.

All I’m saying is believe in yourself, get the help you need when it comes to your dark night of the soul, and listen to your own intuition. Each step towards self-realization will take you on the path of enlightenment.

Btw, I recommend this woman if you ever need an excellent ascension guide, Grace Solaris is the person you can count on. She radiates warmness and is very kind, and open-minded. She has helped me a lot during our session. Be free to browse through her webpage.

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