After The Dawn

I never thought I would experience the “Dark night of the soul” so many times in my life. But at last, the sun is melting the snow, and the glorious rays peeked through the sky and gave me an everlasting hope for a better future.

As long as there are still trapped emotions the purging will continue. The purge was intense and even painful, to be honest, but as a Starseed, on a mission, it was necessary to transmute dark energy into light. The night was lonesome, and sadness was overwhelming to the point where I had to shed tears while embracing myself. The only difference this time was that even though I cried because I felt lonely, I didn’t feel I was alone. I had to face the path I have chosen alone, and the process of becoming my true self can’t be rushed. It was daunting to do it all by myself, but never did I go through it without the help of those around me and my spirit guides and higher self.

The difficulty I faced since November and all the hard works I did eventually pay off. I know I am not 100% there yet, but as for now, I feel content. Content enough to keep paving the way for those who will come after me.

I was thinking of cleaning this blog and start over, but I haven’t make a decision yet. It’s not like I haven’t done it before, and I thought to myself; “The past can’t be erased, but to revisit it once in a while to reflect wouldn’t hurt, as long as I don’t dwell in it, then it should be fine.” And to become who I am today was also thanks to what I have been through in the past.

The past didn’t shape me, but it leads me to desire to be the better version of who I was, the person I am meant to be all along. All I dreamt of was being my true self and speak my truth, and now I am confident enough to decide my own destiny rather than let people dictate what I should be doing in life, I am now the one in charge of it with full confidence in myself.

The pieces have now come together to create a perfect picture, and I can see it clearly from where I stand. There’s so much more to life besides suffering and pain. If it seems dark where you are now, remember one thing, after the dark comes to the dawn. And before sunrise, if you could, you must let the old version of you “die” or transform. Ressurection of the soul is the death of the ego.

Before dawn, everything looks gloomy and dark, but the sun never fails you, because it will rise and better yet, it never has gone anywhere, the earth rotates, and life will give you many chances to wake up to a brighter day.

Keep the faith and reach out for help if it’s unbearable to do it alone, but remember; eventually, you are the one who can save yourself. People can give you a hand, but you are the one who needs to take their hands and trust in yourself enough to make it through, to have discernment that the help is coming from the angels who walked the earth beside you, and not the devil who lured you in co-dependency.

a.a

The Starseed

Beloved Miracle,

I am more and more sure of my Divine mission now. Before I understand or even comprehend why and how I felt such urge to forgive and be patient to the way people unintentionally or unconsciously treated me. Even though how cruel or mistreated I was being, or how many times those I loved left me, but still I had a knowing it was for a more significant purpose and my heart never hold hate or bitterness. I always bounce right back to being happy when interacting and communicating with other people.

I had all too many sad times, lonely times, misunderstood times, broken into pieces times, dreadful times and immensely painful times. But my heart whisper not to give up, a soft, gentle voice that told me to hang on, even though my hands loosen its grip on the rope, and my patience almost ran out.

My beloved Angels, Archangels, Cherubim, Seraphim, Elohim, from the Angelic realms sang to me, it was a bit shocking and scary, since I wasn’t sure of what I heard was true. I thought it was my imagination that played a trick on me, and I convinced myself that it wasn’t real, I must be too tired and sleepy.

I had this blind faith in the unconditional love I desired, which I hold so sacred in my Heart-Space sanctuary that I was willing to go about and made it visible and true.

I was building a bridge from my heart to people’s heart with those I encountered in my early life, without knowing the true purpose for my actions or before I know the real reason for the intense emotions I felt back then. It was not mine alone, but also theirs and my overprotective ways of showing my love I often withdrew from them to gain some clarity and energy. And I was always so brutally honest without sugar coat the truth of what I had observed in the way they lived their lives, and it made them run, and being offended, and so many times I actually had to let them go, but still, I hold a space for them in my heart.

Now that I read all these descriptions about being a Starseed my amnesia is being lifted, and my faith is now miraculously cleared and stronger than before.

I understand now why this feeling of melancholy and almost as if I was not always “happy” because I felt the grasp of grief, sadness, and longing to know who I am and what my purpose in life was.

Because I know too well I am not here to have a “normal” life, getting married, having kids and settle down, even though it was the norm for most people to do so. So many people are driving to success in life by always competing and makes money to hold status to show that their existence is worth, but, I know, they are lying to themselves, because those materialistic achievements hold no value if the soul essence didn’t shine through.

As if being a Starseed wasn’t hard enough, I had to choose to incarnate as a woman who is attracted to women. How could I accept myself fully back then, when so many religious beliefs in the 3D dimension reality of the old paradigm twisted and manipulated the truth of our Divine Father God’s unconditional love for all things and all beings.

The Soul doesn’t care about gender, even though some do carry female or male essence. But still, some races throughout the galaxy is androgynous.

The story of my past life had been painted in so many various colors, but still blue dominated for so long, but I never “liked” the color black, even though I occasionally painted in black. Because darkness befalls upon planet earth in millions and if not billions of years ago, that my amnesia made me fearful of it.

I stumbled, crawled, and had so many setbacks, and every one of my significant other ran from me, even when I was so loyal and faithful as to stick to them through thick and thin. I yield, and yield, but still to no avail, since they are greedy, lusting, deceitful, liars and confusing that it frustrated me since they don’t have faith in any of my actions and words.

I looked for ways to be happy, to change myself, to fit in, conform just to be accepted and loved, but the “white” sheep of the family was too strange and often too silent and withdrawn. But they didn’t know I was heavily burdened with duties, for the youngster in the household, for being the middle one, the peacemaker, the responsible and dependable one.

Duties to save and help the world and its people were even more and more proven to be the driving force to keep on stretching the boundaries or often to test the limits of the strength I possessed inside me. I work and work tirelessly, even if my aim was not clear, and I didn’t hold a regular job long enough, when I referred to work, I mean to love.

And now to rise, to keep honing my self-love and self-respect and self-compassion for the ego self, and gently asked it to step aside, and let me steer the course.

Because she is a vessel to the Goddess who would walk the earth in her rightful place, and that I get stronger and stronger was more evident as time passes.

The power just grew and grew, my abilities become sharper and sharper, and my awareness expands, and the Christhood and Bodhisattva in me awaken my compassion because being a benevolent celestial being is my true identity.

Now the color of my life has changed its shape; pastel pink, pastel blue, violet, and white are the colors I prefer when I dress. But the violet flame of Archangel Zadkiel and St. Germain will protect me while I guide and demonstrate who I am through unconditional love, grace, elegance, in a peaceful manner.

Magical, as if this journey wasn’t unbelievable enough, our love for each other has become my favorite fairy tale ever.

a.a