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Letting Go; An Act of Liberation

Beloved Miracle,

I honored your choice because it gave me a clear sign that I needed to let go completely and I did. It was liberating to move on without guilt and lingering to what we had. I realized I wanted something more, something reliable and stable. I also felt I deserve someone who will honor me for who I am and what I am here to contribute, a partnership where both can take responsibility for the actions and words we put forward.

In my heart I know I am in love with you and I still care for your well being, but as I walk further towards my own light and grow spiritually, I know letting go of what we had was necessary for us to maybe grow closer to each other on the 3D level of reality. What we had was at a low frequency and low vibration, it was co-dependency because I sought after your love from the outside and neglected myself.

The Twin Flames journey has been an ultimate challenge for me, and it has always challenged me to honor myself and love myself for who I am instead of looking for love and validation from someone else. You mirrored back to me what I needed to heal within me, and for each time you “ran” I was forced to look at the pain and suffering that surfaced within me. I know, it’s not easy when all you wanted was peace and carefree life, but as long as you still live a conditioned life and run back to your comfort zone where things feel more comfortable and safe things won’t get any better. Although I am the awakened one to the truth of our connection, I have to let you roam and explore your options while you are in your own process.

For once I want to stop all the blaming and bitterness towards you and release all anger for how you unconsciously treated me. We did what we can throughout our connection when we were in touch. It was designed that way, one of us must lead the way, and I chose to be the one who will walk ahead to clear out the path while you kept watching and guarded me towards my ascension. You hold space for me for so long, and now it’s time for me to hold the light and hold a space for you to grow in your own light towards your own ascension.

Reunion and union is a temptation and almost a fairy tale, but we can only reunite and be in the union by going inwards and walk the path and live the life we have design separately together. While in separation we are actually doing it together. Even though it doesn’t make sense, but we are in this together as we already agreed to before coming to this earth plane. Our soul bond is so strong that even if we are separate in the 3D reality, we are still connected spiritually. In separation, we are moving closer together as long as we realize that the time we are apart is the time to process and integrate our higher selves. We are granted the time to access the pain and limitations during our separation to heal.

True love is knowing the love is still there between us even if we aren’t “there” physically with each other. True love is knowing we can heal and help each other by treating ourselves with care and loving ourselves, by nurturing individually in our own time instead of demanding the attention and care from each other regularly. Neither of us has abandoned the other. The circumstances we are in, what we have decided to experience in this life was a designation to make us both grow in unconditional love. It’s our mission to show the world that true love exists, and not only true love alone but unconditional love is our heritage and the most natural love there’s in the whole cosmos.

I can’t spark a light within you without moving on. This sudden change might feel uncomfortable and even painful, but eventually, you will understand the reason why I chose to “move on.” I can’t weather the storm by being passive in my own life, and I can’t put it on hold, at least not any longer. I feel you regardless, and despite distance and separation, you will always live within my heart and dance in my soul.

Once you decide to look for me, I hope we will come closer to our unconditional love and live it without shame and guilt, that our desire will eventually come true for the sake of humanity.

a.a

After The Dawn

I never thought I would experience the “Dark night of the soul” so many times in my life. But at last, the sun is melting the snow, and the glorious rays peeked through the sky and gave me an everlasting hope for a better future.

As long as there are still trapped emotions the purging will continue. The purge was intense and even painful, to be honest, but as a Starseed, on a mission, it was necessary to transmute dark energy into light. The night was lonesome, and sadness was overwhelming to the point where I had to shed tears while embracing myself. The only difference this time was that even though I cried because I felt lonely, I didn’t feel I was alone. I had to face the path I have chosen alone, and the process of becoming my true self can’t be rushed. It was daunting to do it all by myself, but never did I go through it without the help of those around me and my spirit guides and higher self.

The difficulty I faced since November and all the hard works I did eventually pay off. I know I am not 100% there yet, but as for now, I feel content. Content enough to keep paving the way for those who will come after me.

I was thinking of cleaning this blog and start over, but I haven’t make a decision yet. It’s not like I haven’t done it before, and I thought to myself; “The past can’t be erased, but to revisit it once in a while to reflect wouldn’t hurt, as long as I don’t dwell in it, then it should be fine.” And to become who I am today was also thanks to what I have been through in the past.

The past didn’t shape me, but it leads me to desire to be the better version of who I was, the person I am meant to be all along. All I dreamt of was being my true self and speak my truth, and now I am confident enough to decide my own destiny rather than let people dictate what I should be doing in life, I am now the one in charge of it with full confidence in myself.

The pieces have now come together to create a perfect picture, and I can see it clearly from where I stand. There’s so much more to life besides suffering and pain. If it seems dark where you are now, remember one thing, after the dark comes to the dawn. And before sunrise, if you could, you must let the old version of you “die” or transform. Ressurection of the soul is the death of the ego.

Before dawn, everything looks gloomy and dark, but the sun never fails you, because it will rise and better yet, it never has gone anywhere, the earth rotates, and life will give you many chances to wake up to a brighter day.

Keep the faith and reach out for help if it’s unbearable to do it alone, but remember; eventually, you are the one who can save yourself. People can give you a hand, but you are the one who needs to take their hands and trust in yourself enough to make it through, to have discernment that the help is coming from the angels who walked the earth beside you, and not the devil who lured you in co-dependency.

a.a

Self Love

Beloved Miracle,

In the morning glory, I am asking Divine Father God for a resolution. I want to break free from this “waiting,” because in my heart space I am waiting for our reunion, but I am wearing tired of it. Time and space are compressing my heart, and it’s hard to endure when all I desire is to have a glimpse of you.

I am sorry for being selfish, but I have decided not to wait any longer. I am not walking away and give up on you, but I think the best for us is not me sitting in one place and wait for you to come when you are not yet ready to enter into my life again. I heard the call to which I answered with obedience.

I love you, Miracle, but I can no longer support the illusion of time. It’s not that I am impatience, but I understand that divine timing plays a more significant role in our reunion than our concept of time. I really don’t know what else to do than to let go and let God; He is the only one who can alter this situation I am in right now, and whether you hear my heart calling your name or not, I can’t stop my own process of healing and become whole within me.

I pray that we both progress in our path to wholeness and that we both heal from our ailments of lifelong injuries. Whether in health or sickness I am willing to stand by you and be by your side once we become one in heart and soul again, just like before we got split into two souls.

I won’t wander far away, because it’s not possible for me to cut ties with you. Our connection is heaven made, and it has been so life after life, we are tethered in eternal love which is why it’s so hard and impossible to turn away from this love we share.

My willingness to create heaven on earth must come first, but I can’t do that without you, but “waiting” for it to happen is like feeling stuck in a place I don’t belong to, and for me to release this energy of stagnation I have to remove myself from the confusion and illusion of time. I will lift the veil for you so you can see again with your eyes that heaven is here right in front of us, and my soothing voice within your heart is beckoning you to wake up from whatever dreams you may have.

My love, be in awareness of your surrounding and once everything is done, come back to me safely because somewhere along the line, my heart yearns and waits for you.

For now, I am wandering off to gather more love to fill our hearts because once my heart is brimming with love, I know you will feel it too, and love is all there is, and all there is, is love.

Because committing to this journey of self-love is also one of the many tasks I need to complete before everything else.

beau taplin self love

a.a

The Heart’s Desire

When going through the motion of 50 shades of sadness, the “dark night of the soul,” you are shedding away the density that has held you back from living your dreams, living life according to how you know is right for you. Whatever you do, don’t give up your own truth. The light will bring you clarity; it’s information that comes through to help you to feel less burdened and having a feeling of being lighter in mind and heart.

I set my sails towards my dreams, and it manifests itself in the 3rd dimension reality. I’m currently waiting to move out on my own and start a new life, the life I know is right for me because of my heart which desires to live in the truth as who I am and not what others want me to be.

Living with my family has been an experience of safety, but it was very co-dependent between them and me, and to move on I had to cut the energetic cords between us so that I will be able to help them better as an example. I have always been independent for as long as I knew and grew up as someone who was highly sensitive with an INFJ personality I developed many skills and understand how I function. But to be better at living in harmony with other people I had to first accept myself for who I am, and express my truth with confidence so that people will have a clear understanding that who I am shouldn’t be a threat to who they are.

When I thought I love myself enough, another layer of fear started to appear regarding my phagophobia (the fear of swallowing food). I tried so hard to eat, but whenever I have food in my mouth the anxiety kicks in, and it’s something that is so easy or should be simple makes me cringe and hate myself for not being able to make it through. “You got one job! Chew and swallow! How is that so hard!?” I screamed internally and this, in turn, made me have a severe love talk with myself. “You either calm down and start over, and love yourself, or else I will take over.” Who is this person who will take over? Well, I know it would be my higher self who would want to take over because I was in a destruction mode and I knew if I don’t do anything to get over that mode I might do some severe damage.

I beg Mother Venus and Mother Mary to help me, all the Gods and Goddesses, Archangels and Ascended Masters, and what I got from them was “Go back to the ward,” (So here I am at the ward at the moment writing this). And that night Mother Venus sang to me, and she calmed me down so that I would be able to go to sleep. No, it’s not psychosis, it was more like telepathy, and I had to sing it out loud, but not my own words. Singing has helped me a lot, especially when it comes from the heart because there at the Heart-space sanctuary, the divine feminine is residing and she always express love uniquely.

I understand I have to change the way I nurture and love myself, especially when it comes to the fear of swallowing food. Patience is required, extreme patience, and I also being guided to see myself as a little child, and this could point to my inner child. I can’t scream at a child because it couldn’t eat out of fear, I wouldn’t want to do that to a child, so I shouldn’t do such a thing to my inner child either.

“Love thyself,” is what I’m hearing. Pour more love into the womb, into the inner child and practice extreme patience. No amount of hate would fix this problem, and it’s not a problem to fix, it’s a psychological issue that requires tremendous love and patience.

Whatever you go through or has been through is not something that you need to fix. You can correct yourself without shame or guilt in every waking moment, but in the end, how much love you pour into yourself is what matter the most, and with love there is forgiving.

Is there anything in the past that makes you feel less than or is there any regret? If there is a yes, then remember to forgive yourself and practice “ho’oponopono.”

I will remind you again, “love thyself,” love yourself for who you are at this moment. The you that needs your acceptance, forgiveness, and love exist in this present moment. Release the old you because the past can’t be changed, and as you may know, the future depends on what you choose now, and it’s unknown, unsettling as long as you don’t dare to live according to what you heart desire.

“We betray our true self, when we do not follow the heart’s desire, for what the heart is attracted to, is your destiny.”
– Leon Brown

Confusion is not my cup of tea so I will live my truth while practicing acceptance, patience, and love for myself. I have already set my sails towards my heart desire, within the flow of life even how slow it goes, I know I will arrive at my destination safely.

a.a

Into One Soul

Beloved Miracle,

There will be ups and downs in our lives which will make us lose faith, but nothing can compare to the endless love that I am unable to give up. People search for one true love that they yearn for their entire life and yet fail to recognize the heart that speaks of it.

I can’t look for you outside myself because my dreams are yet to become a reality. Even how much I want to abandon ship when I feel intensely afraid, I can’t escape nor hide from you— the reason is you are my other self. You are the other part of me that I need to reunite with to feel and become whole in this lifetime. Yes, I am capable of living my life without you, I am sure of that, but the longing of our union won’t leave me alone, and I will be breathless if I once again chase you. I have gone to the end of the world to find you, and I saw you. I didn’t just go to the other side of the earth without reason, what I did was descending from the heavenly realm with my head first to prepare for the coming of the Goddess, the Divine Feminine.

I am whole, but the yearning for my one true love makes it impossible for me to feel complete. Living here on earth has taught me so much about being human, and it’s to accept the fact that I am vulnerable. Within the core of my being, I am delicate and oh’ so sensitive, and it’s the softness of my love for you that caress me so tenderly, wanting me to drop my protecting armor again and again. It begs me each time when my heart hardened by the frost of being alone to tear down the shield and let love moves freely. Love said, “Let me coated your soul like honey. Let me be like a balm soothing your pain and scars. Let me seeps through all the cracks in your soul and healed your wounds completely.”

And once again I surrender to love because I can’t only love myself without loving you, I can’t fill the void that is like a bottomless pit, because it’s endless, I fall into it knowing all along that you are there. The abyss of my yearning to drop to the ground and land safely is to know you are there catching me. “Are you there?” I asked in the midst of the fog.

My love, I called for you, not because I am some person with the obsessive tendency to catch you and imprisoned you, I am your Divine Feminine calling out for you to remember the love that boils within your heart — the Divine Feminine that is within you as much as the Divine Masculine is within me.

I said to myself, “I long not, I long not, I long not! My beloved is within me all along.” Just like what Rumi said;

love rumi.jpg

If there’s any place for us to be together in our union, then let’s meet each other in our hearts while we dance and merge into one soul. Imagine you and me into the existence of the reality of our dreams.

a.a

The Starseed

Beloved Miracle,

I am more and more sure of my Divine mission now. Before I understand or even comprehend why and how I felt such urge to forgive and be patient to the way people unintentionally or unconsciously treated me. Even though how cruel or mistreated I was being, or how many times those I loved left me, but still I had a knowing it was for a more significant purpose and my heart never hold hate or bitterness. I always bounce right back to being happy when interacting and communicating with other people.

I had all too many sad times, lonely times, misunderstood times, broken into pieces times, dreadful times and immensely painful times. But my heart whisper not to give up, a soft, gentle voice that told me to hang on, even though my hands loosen its grip on the rope, and my patience almost ran out.

My beloved Angels, Archangels, Cherubim, Seraphim, Elohim, from the Angelic realms sang to me, it was a bit shocking and scary, since I wasn’t sure of what I heard was true. I thought it was my imagination that played a trick on me, and I convinced myself that it wasn’t real, I must be too tired and sleepy.

I had this blind faith in the unconditional love I desired, which I hold so sacred in my Heart-Space sanctuary that I was willing to go about and made it visible and true.

I was building a bridge from my heart to people’s heart with those I encountered in my early life, without knowing the true purpose for my actions or before I know the real reason for the intense emotions I felt back then. It was not mine alone, but also theirs and my overprotective ways of showing my love I often withdrew from them to gain some clarity and energy. And I was always so brutally honest without sugar coat the truth of what I had observed in the way they lived their lives, and it made them run, and being offended, and so many times I actually had to let them go, but still, I hold a space for them in my heart.

Now that I read all these descriptions about being a Starseed my amnesia is being lifted, and my faith is now miraculously cleared and stronger than before.

I understand now why this feeling of melancholy and almost as if I was not always “happy” because I felt the grasp of grief, sadness, and longing to know who I am and what my purpose in life was.

Because I know too well I am not here to have a “normal” life, getting married, having kids and settle down, even though it was the norm for most people to do so. So many people are driving to success in life by always competing and makes money to hold status to show that their existence is worth, but, I know, they are lying to themselves, because those materialistic achievements hold no value if the soul essence didn’t shine through.

As if being a Starseed wasn’t hard enough, I had to choose to incarnate as a woman who is attracted to women. How could I accept myself fully back then, when so many religious beliefs in the 3D dimension reality of the old paradigm twisted and manipulated the truth of our Divine Father God’s unconditional love for all things and all beings.

The Soul doesn’t care about gender, even though some do carry female or male essence. But still, some races throughout the galaxy is androgynous.

The story of my past life had been painted in so many various colors, but still blue dominated for so long, but I never “liked” the color black, even though I occasionally painted in black. Because darkness befalls upon planet earth in millions and if not billions of years ago, that my amnesia made me fearful of it.

I stumbled, crawled, and had so many setbacks, and every one of my significant other ran from me, even when I was so loyal and faithful as to stick to them through thick and thin. I yield, and yield, but still to no avail, since they are greedy, lusting, deceitful, liars and confusing that it frustrated me since they don’t have faith in any of my actions and words.

I looked for ways to be happy, to change myself, to fit in, conform just to be accepted and loved, but the “white” sheep of the family was too strange and often too silent and withdrawn. But they didn’t know I was heavily burdened with duties, for the youngster in the household, for being the middle one, the peacemaker, the responsible and dependable one.

Duties to save and help the world and its people were even more and more proven to be the driving force to keep on stretching the boundaries or often to test the limits of the strength I possessed inside me. I work and work tirelessly, even if my aim was not clear, and I didn’t hold a regular job long enough, when I referred to work, I mean to love.

And now to rise, to keep honing my self-love and self-respect and self-compassion for the ego self, and gently asked it to step aside, and let me steer the course.

Because she is a vessel to the Goddess who would walk the earth in her rightful place, and that I get stronger and stronger was more evident as time passes.

The power just grew and grew, my abilities become sharper and sharper, and my awareness expands, and the Christhood and Bodhisattva in me awaken my compassion because being a benevolent celestial being is my true identity.

Now the color of my life has changed its shape; pastel pink, pastel blue, violet, and white are the colors I prefer when I dress. But the violet flame of Archangel Zadkiel and St. Germain will protect me while I guide and demonstrate who I am through unconditional love, grace, elegance, in a peaceful manner.

Magical, as if this journey wasn’t unbelievable enough, our love for each other has become my favorite fairy tale ever.

a.a

Eternal Love

Beloved Miracle,

I close my eyes and commune with the Divine Spirit within me. The heart spoke in compassion and reminded me:

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.
– A Course in Miracles

The truth of our love for each other can’t be threatened, even the world of illusion out there can’t break the bond made in heaven. I stand firm on my two feet and hold space for you to grow whether the storm will tear your sail asunder, I will be the beacon of the lighthouse guiding you through.

The promise we made before we parted ways into lives of incarnations is;

Whats-The-Difference-Between-A-Twin-Flame-And-A-Soul-Mate

I am you; you are me
Into one heart we shall be
Tethered from above
In eternal love.

a.a

Thy Healing Hands

Beloved Miracle,

One single touch of your hands awakened all the dormant codes within my DNA, the filaments fired and pumped up the blood rush from my heart, and my soul has been dragged up from the hellbound place in the slump.

Dear, how can I thank you? You traveled to hell and brought with you the flame of our eternal love to lit up the world so I could open my eyes to see the truth. There’s no other greater truth than the truth of our love for each other. You burn down the illusions that were created to put my grace and nobility in the dirt. You knew I suffer because dirty hands have touched my body, but they were never able to destroy the pureness of my soul.

They clouded my mind so I could think nothing but ungraceful thoughts about who I am, and the shame and the guilt of being unworthy of your love have shut down my body, the numbness felt so real. I thought death was imminent because living in loneliness and being separated from the love you have for me within me killed me slowly.

But then you kissed me, and I remember what real love felt like so I rose from death like a Phoenix to proclaim my immortality. Many years have gone by since that time, and now I am finally leaving the past behind me, closing the door forever. You whispered to me through the wind, “You are so worthy of the love I have for you.” I smiled when the breeze was tenderly caressing my face, and then I realize, unconditional love doesn’t judge “I AM worthy and I AM loved!”

With just one kiss and touch, I will pray for you every moment of my waking life.

The Violet Flame Prayer (I wrote only for you).
Picture creds Full Bloomed Lotus

violet flame

Violet Flame, Violet Flame
Blazing like a fire,
Violet Flame, Violet Flame
Transmute dark energy for me
and my beloved Twin Flame, Ryder.
Violet Flame, Violet Flame
Burning in God’s name,
Holy holy holy is the Lord;
holy is the Lord God Almighty.

One day you, too, will heal and live in happiness, and until then, I am your Divine Feminine, your counterpart who will love you infinitely.

a.a

The Embrace

Beloved Miracle,

You pulled me close into your embrace, and it felt like I was about to dissolve into thin air, and I resisted myself to feel weak in the presence of you. I didn’t intentionally choose to feel that way, but later I discovered that I never once put down my armor. I had this shield up to protect myself from getting hurt, and it was all done unconsciously.

If I ever get another chance, I would like to stay still and let you embrace me once again. All I have now is the longing of our reunion which propels me to approach life differently and live in the moment of trust. The road towards healing is arduous, and the healing will not happen immediately at this moment because it’s a process.

Remember the girl who was so shy? She was only shy because she saw the radiant in your beauty and forgot her own. The girl who believed in unconditional love did love you unconditionally. She respects whatever you decide to do, even when you didn’t want her in your life, but what you might not know, and she might haven’t told you; she had prepared herself for that because she had cried so many times before it even happened. “Why God? Why do I have to feel so small, lonely and so powerless?” While she cried in bewilderment of the loss of her beloved.

You see, fear didn’t make it easy for me, but what it also did was holding me back from the commitment. “Maybe I can find love somewhere else,” what was I thought, but whoever came to me did also leave me. All this chasing for the gold at the rainbow tired me out. I was chasing after the reflection of you while I refused to see you within me as a mirror. The gold was within my heart all this time, my own soul and you my other self who is the light to shine up the darkest corner of my fears.

And then, I finally look within me. I saw all these qualities that I’ve got; my radiance, my charisma, my beautiful soul, my complex, paradoxical personality and the strength of being a divine feminine who initiate people to love themselves. I am a woman who never bows to authority, is authentic and have the integrity to lead my life as an example, and I promise myself that I will never shy away from your embrace ever again if you give me one.

Now that life has given me another chance to set the record straight I am willing to devote myself to this love. I pray to God almost every day, “God give me the strength to go on and overcome every hurdle that lies ahead of me, whatever may come I am ready, and if I shipwreck may you give my Twin Flames the strength you have given me.”

I set out for this journey without you, but I know you are there somewhere praying for me too, and when I am back your embrace is my haven.

a.a

The Stillness of An INFJ

A mouth can speak thousands of words, and it could become noises, but a silent mind contains the whole world of peace. You may ask “Why is that?” Well, when in stillness the world will slowly reveal itself to be in more harmony and the calm mind conceive the world to be more peaceful because this peace and this harmony comes from within you. And whatever chaos there may be out there you will feel no need to participate or talk about what’s wrong and right, since in stillness and complete silence you will be the observer of what happens and the actions will spring from a place of wisdom which will propel you in the right direction.

I find myself inspired to act from the heart when I am in this peaceful space of stillness. The mind receives thoughts and ideas throughout the day, and with a clear intention, we can easily choose to act from the wisdom of the heart. But if we have a chattering-mind, we could be indecisive, and it will be hard to perform when overthinking because the chattering mind makes up many possible and impossible situations from what kind of action we choose to act on, and it’s all based from past experiences. And over-analyzing what could happen in the future can give you anxiety because of the fear of the unknown. Preparation is not inadequate in itself, but if the preparation is done from fear of making a mistake the good intention of the action may be lost. Live in the moment, and the choice will be what you intend it to be while knowing that what happens is unfolding as it should be.

Listen to the heart, but at the same time take your mind with you. Listen to the wisdom of divine feminine within you and let your divine masculine take care of the action. When an action is taken, once again go into the heart-space of your goddess and let her nurture you and let things unfold naturally.

If you catch yourself in overthinking, stop it by saying “I approve of you,” and give yourself a chance to breathe. We might not have an off-switch from the thoughts that stream through the mind, but we can observe them, notice them and approve ourselves for not being able to be “perfect,” and accept the situation for what it is instead of wanting it to be any different—what it should be.

Even with our imperfections, we are always unique, and also if we can’t stop ourselves from overthinking, we can still love ourselves in spite of the way our brain works.

Be still, and let the heart leads the way.

a.a