Goodbye

Memories threads through a red string attached to my little finger, along with the line I found it was knotted loosely around your foot, so loose that I barely felt that you have long ago walked away.

I have fallen so many times for the wrong person, so many times that I wished you would be the last; however, I never expected that you weren’t the one for me. I have come to realize, I’m not right for you, and to hear the sound of your footsteps walking away from me is saddening, but what I also know is that life moves on.

The red string attached to my little finger won’t come off, because I have carefully knot it too tight around it, and because I didn’t want to lose you and our memories I knit the loose end to my arm wrist wearing it like a bracelet.

You walked away and didn’t phrase your reason, but I guess I didn’t need to know because farewell is such a hard word to say to a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, you are scared she would break easily, but honey, she has already been broken, because you weren’t the first to break her. Your silence isn’t her salvation it’s her strength of carrying on that save her from all the thing she would want you to say but never got a chance to hear because you rather choose the easy way out.

I won’t blame you, for who knows what’s right to do, when the world expects too much of you.

I wish there will be continuing in our story, but I figure the page end here and see your back from a distance is like punctuation mark of the last word –

Goodbye.

a.a

Does It Matter?

Should I wait? Should I call or at least text you?

It doesn’t matter as long as you are happy wherever you are right now. I might be delicate, but I’m strong enough to stand alone. I don’t find myself aching anymore. My heart has been too broken many times, but for each time it gets a bit less void, the sun rays enter it, and I leave the cracks the way it was. I have nothing else but patience, and I endure the wait for something that gives me meaning. It doesn’t matter, however, youth is not going to come back, so I better live my life to the fullest. If we are meant to be in each other’s lives, time will tell.

Until then, I hope you live a happy life.

a.a

Tranquility

Every time you sit there with no one else but yourself
Dive deep into that ocean and look for your soul
Diamonds and pearls that hide in there are waiting for you

Dive deeper, and you will find the most beautiful
And precious girl you haven’t yet to know
She is waiting for you with every breath you take
Look for her, and she will tell you her deepest longing
Ask her out, and she will answer your deepest longing

She is there, always there.

You have to take time
And swim in her ocean,
Even the ocean waves throw you back to the land
Keep on diving

Only there will you see the tranquillity of her mind.

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I Have Myself

I don’t want to keep running in circle or drowsy waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet. Yeah, I’m tired of searching for gold at the end of the rainbow and hunting for an elusive love which always slips through the gap between my heart and mind. The abyss of my longing is now flowing like a river out to the big sea, and I’m leaving its shore under the sunset at the end of my craving for a relationship that would last forever.

Because love came and you run for life; I’m left alone. I have come to learn that even if I’m left to myself, alone in my own company, I’m still okay. So what if I’m alone? It’s not the worst that could happen, and I would rather go solo than trouble myself with a lover who is scared of the tide of my emotions. Yes, I’m intense, and I love hard, sometimes so hard that my tears are flooding and brimming over before it even started.

Silly me, I forgot I’m just a girl at heart, delicate and gentle. However, my monstrous strength to overcome any hurdle always helps me to bounce back and I have become resilient in the face of calamity. I’m so vulnerable to wear my heart on my sleeve, so fragile that even it hurts it doesn’t hurt as much longer. My heart is like a sponge, soft and squishy; it doesn’t break like glass. That’s why I have decided; I will love again even how arduous my journey may be, because you know what, the rainbow always comes after a shower of rain. I don’t need gold when I have my soul, and I don’t need a lover when I have myself.

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We Are Close

There is closeness in our silence. Everything is how it suppose to be. We don’t need to rush, no words are needed, and surely nothing can break the bond we share. Somehow I’m sure we feel each other on a level that no one can come close to. It seems like we go the separate way, but actually, we are moving in the same direction. Our destination is harmony, and our path is a joy. We grow from a temporary distance into the closeness – bonded in eternal love.

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Illuminated

I daydream with eyes open, seeing the future before me with a handful of memories from the past.

Dim the light for tonight, because I have invited the moon and stars through my window, they are loyal to the very end of each night hearing my lament in their presence.

I count the days, but time keeps slipping through my fingers like sand in an hourglass.

Dim the light for tonight, so the moonlight could seep through the curtains and sing me a lullaby, a song so familiar that my heart falls at ease.

For each season, a new hope is born. Just like when winter reaches its end, spring will knock on my door and invites me to walk through the field of faith.

The end of yesterday’s night is the beginning of a new morning where the sun greeted me with grace, with rays dancing before my eyes and enveloping my entire being.

The wonder of the cosmos illuminates me.

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The Crescent Moon

The crescent moon is sleeping silently, to charge before it gets full; just before it pulls tidal waves like strings attached to my emotions – and all I’m hoping is to be guided by it brightness through the dark.

It doesn’t care even if it’s only half of the whole, because with a little shadow it’s still powerful, you must know the ocean is under its influence, under its spell; with one glittering glance, the sea will move in ebb and flow.

Don’t underestimate the crescent moon, it’s the mother of all the stars, and before you know it, you will be under its spell, just like I did; giving away all my secrets without being asked.

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With You

I want to fight for you, die for you, but the hardest battle is to stay alive and live for you – I choose the latter and keep moving ahead like it’s my last breath I take because tomorrow can be too late.

I don’t chase you, but I’m not walking away, I don’t give up – I never give in until you make a choice and stay because tomorrow can be a better day.

So when you choose to stay; it’s what I pray.

The bottom line is it’s my dream to wake up to another day with you by my side and I don’t mind that all else can fade away – slowly or fast because with you time stands still, everything is colorful, with you nothing is grey.

I’m not going anywhere, if you ask, I will stay.

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I’m Not A Savior

Maybe I was wrong to think that I could reach out and help. The underlying feelings that I would save people by attempting to solve their problems. I can surely solve their problems, but then, it’s them who decide if they need saving. Not everyone needs to be saved, and they need to be loved precisely for how and who they are.

I’m to busy saving myself that I merely have the time to rescue someone else. My goal is to make peace with myself and attain unconditional love.

Perhaps I’m wiser now because I don’t want to “save” people anymore, I want to love them, and if I couldn’t at least, I shouldn’t hurt them.

And this time, I might be right.

a.a

I Want To Dream

 

Disturb my soul; it needs to wake up, it needs to stay guard so my mind won’t disturb me and prevent me from falling asleep. Sleep; because dreams are better than reality.

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