Every Nuance of Me

When life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade or orange juice and make people surprised at how you did it. Life has given me many sour apples, lemons, limes or sometimes even bitter melons, but I made use of them for my own benefit.

The harsh energy level I have been feeling is dissipating, and the stress level has subsided; mostly because I have learned from my own mistakes. During my life, the cycle of losing and getting has transformed into blessings which I now am very much grateful over.

Right at this moment, I am single, but in my heart, I desire a sacred partnership. I have been alone for ages, and I have lost count on the years that has passed by without a significant other. I’m not always sure how to date, and sometimes I beat myself up for being obsessive once I take an interest in someone; they are like art or a book I immersed myself in without thinking I need a break. At times I try to change myself to be cold and detach, but within my heart, the fire of love and romance is just too strong that it makes it hard to change how I am. What am I suppose to do actually? Since I can’t change, I thought I could just be myself completely with a little patience and wits.

The time to use my innate ability to see things with a deep sense of awareness is always. I need to make use of my skills as a Libra and ascendant in Scorpio with a heartfelt Cancer in the moon to navigate through the “dating-market.” I don’t apply the rules to my own dating “game,” and indeed, I don’t pretend to be someone I am not by playing because I don’t play games when it comes to love. I am either interested or not at all. I don’t date multiplies of people, all because I want to give the one I like my undivided attention. And there are too many emotions going on within me and the ability to sense my partner’s feelings makes it double;

“Love with an empath will be intense as they are energetically sensitive; therefore they will pick up on everything and anything that is happening around them. Regardless of whether emotions have been outwardly expressed, empaths will experience their partner’s emotions as deeply as they feel their own.”

Loving & Understanding an Empath.

Whether I have x-ray vision or super record camera, I am emotionally intelligent enough to take a step back to reflect and weighing the pros and cons until my scale is in balance before I judge anything. You might think I am indecisive because I am born in the sun sign Libra, but once I make up my mind, I am not likely to change so easily.

Harmony is everything to me, and I will do it as peacefully as I can to balance what’s going on inside my heart and mind. My complexities is a paradox which people might never understand because sometimes they don’t come close enough to see the layer of softness within the layers of strength and detachment and because they didn’t dare to pass the threshold; therefore, everything that needs to be seen is being buried by their assumptions and perceptions of how I am. Maybe they feel intimidated?

It’s hard not to feel saddened once someone withdraws while you still haven’t shown every nuance about yourself. All I’m thinking of now is to save myself up for someone who dares to come closer enough to discover all the different colors within my soul.

Empath, INFJ or Starseed. I am proud of who I am, and I encourage you to be proud of yourself as well.

a.a

The Cycle of Life

My innermost desire now is that the worst part of my life is over, but as an empath, I know that my heart will get broken over and over, and it’s not because someone will deliberately hurt me or cause me harm. It’s my innate ability to feel so profoundly over the injustice and the pain that humanity is going through daily. My feelings and emotions can’t be switched off, and I can’t change the way I am from being highly sensitive to being emotionless.

I am not a cavewoman, and I would refrain from becoming a hermit to hide my true self only because people might not understand the way I think or why I feel the way I feel. I want to shift my approach from going into seclusion and instead be amongst people while the ebb and flow of my emotions are starting to make waves. Over the years I have been shedding an incredible amount of traumas, karmas, and stuck emotions. The layers are thinning, and the light within me begins to glow much brighter.

I have “lost” and cut off many friends over the years; because I realize they were never true to me and we weren’t on the same page or wavelength. They come for a season and not a lifetime which is fine because it’s better that way than trying to make it work while it’s not meant to be. They have taught me many valuable things about myself, and they also made me realize I have my preferences on how I want a friendship or relationship to be like and to form a strong bond we all need to put in the effort. I alone can’t always be the one who pours all my energy into the relationship to make it works.

I can walk miles and miles in someone shoes to understand their perspective or how it feels for them to be in a particular situation, but eventually, my feet will be tired out, and that’s why I desire for those who are close to me to understand where I am coming from and support me. It might not be easy to find someone who would devote as much time and energy as I do, but I still want to dream it into reality. Maybe someday someone would show me that giving and receiving is equal, and they won’t bail out at the last minute.

The past didn’t shape me, but it sure taught me how to be myself and have the courage to be who I am. For what I know, I could become bitter and hateful which cause other people harm, but it’s not who I am, and despite the painful past I have been through I still have a tender heart which I know is my natural way to be.

Be courageous enough to wear your heart on your sleeve, love as if you were never hurt and live as if this is your last on Mother Earth. The worst part of your life will be over; it has to because it’s the cycle of life.

a.a

The Flickering of Memories

Have you ever had memories of a sweet love flickering like candlelight in your mind? It cast a shadow over your present moment, and you just relived the past you had with them once again, but the worst part is that you remember those tears you have been crying, and how many times you have been disappointed by the person you thought will never leave you.

Within that moment you thought for yourself; “Would it be cruel of me if I move on, and leave the past to the past?” Who can blame you? You did what you could back then, you gave in and tolerated what you shouldn’t have to tolerate at all. Because your self-worth was zero back then doesn’t mean it will remain zero forever, but to blame yourself for your poor decision or guilt-trip the person you love or care for will not make things any better. Within your heart, you know the love you have for them is still there, and it might never go away since what you experience with them in the past was real, at least it was true for you. You love them so much that you were willing to sacrifice your own desire and you gave more than you ever get back, but you never thought for once that it shouldn’t be that way.

You were blindfolded by fear, and not blind by love, because only fear of losing them could make you choose so poorly, to stick around when you know you shouldn’t because apparently you will get more hurt by holding on than letting go. And within this moment the flickering of the candlelight which cast the shadow over your life with nostalgia makes it hard to let go completely, so you rather choose to blow it out and let the room in your heart remains dark than revisiting it to reminisce over a past that holds you back from moving on. You moved on, and you know it will never affect you anymore, not because you don’t love them, but because you love yourself as if you were them, and it’s a conscious choice to create a healthier connection with someone else since you have learned from your own mistakes.

You took off the blindfold, and you let the fear fade away by allowing the love you have for them remind you that you deserve more and your self-worth has reached over the top where you can’t any longer consider yourself worthless to receive anything less than you deserve.

The person left a long time ago, the candle they once lit up has burned up, and you have kept on changing it and lit one after the other; you woke up and realized; they will not come back, they choose someone else and build a life without you in the picture. The room in your heart where you sit and wait, lonely with only a candle to warm you during winter is now making you freeze, and it’s unbearable, and the hope for them to come back and rekindle the spark or warmth you is zero, the same amount of the self-worth you once had. You started to ask yourself; “Is it worth the wait? Can my life be put on hold any further?” Because during the time you changed the candles you have grown spiritually, emotionally and mentally, you have purged, you have been through so much of the same old things, and learned from your own mistakes with them, and with others around you.

You woke up and took a glimpse of the sun rays which shone through the cracks of your vacant heart, and you felt a longing; a longing to experience romance, spring, joy, and love, but not with the person who left, but this time with yourself and someone new.

You leave the room, but first, you have to remember to blow out the candle so that the flickering of it won’t overshadow your life; in the future, there will be someone who will stay and help you to watch over the fire in your heart, together. And then you will know that your worth has nothing to do with anything outside of yourself, but because you are a beautiful divine being worthy of love by experiencing how it is to love as a human being.

The old cycle has come to an end.

a.a

Priority; Nurture And Care for The Self

Good evening,

We are very much at the end of the week, only one more day and we will reach the weekend.

Life may have some ups and downs, but if we take some time and count our blessings by how much love we have for our friends and family instead of what we have of material things, then the downs will not be so unbearable. We might not have everything in the world, whether it’s a new car, money or a lot of valuable possessions, but at least we have those near us who we can count on; never go a day of your life without appreciating them.

And when we do have that extra money or time, we can also spend it on ourselves, it’s a way to appreciate ourselves for making another day of hard work or that we make it through a difficult time. Life is the process of uncovering ourselves. A process to the self-realization about who we are since there are so many layers beneath our masks which we use to hide our true self, but that doesn’t mean we can’t one day take it off and live with the truth that resides within us.

Taking care of ourselves must be our first priority, and then taking care of our home by cleaning, dusting and decorate it with flowers or other interiors will make it more harmonious to who we are within. Declutter your home will make the positive energy to flow better. When everything is in place within yourself, everything else outside will also fall into place, after that, you will have more to give to those you care for and taking care of them will not be a burden anymore, but more as a joy. The excess of the unconditional love you have for yourself will overflow, and they will definitely feel it if their hearts are not blocked from love; I believe the warmth of your love will eventually melt their frozen heart anyway, so don’t hesitate to show appreciation and respect.

Ps: Unconditional love doesn’t mean people can walk all over you. Setting boundaries are also an act of unconditional love, that way your energy won’t be depleted and since the weekend is approaching it’s an excellent opportunity to take some time to give yourself the love you are so deserving, even if it means doing nothing.

The joy of seeing the roses.

a.a

The Ripples of My Thoughts

Beloved Miracle,

Even if they come presenting themselves as flawless as possible, still they are not you. The road back home feels endless, and the work I have taken on is not yet done, it has only begun.

At times I wonder how you are doing, but because of the situation we are in I can’t be in touch with you without the thought that you might not respond to my messages or phone call. I cringe every time you block me from your life, and it saddens me to know that we can’t stay in touch even as friends.

The twin flame path is a path we both have taken on to reach into the union of our soul, and because of it we will find a way back home to Divine Father God, and finally, be unbound by the conditioned love we experience here on earth. Our soul as one knows about the unconditional love we are here to express and show the world that true love does exist, but even how much I crave to be with you because you are the perfect one for me I can’t stop myself from “looking” for other option. I don’t know if it’s wise to start an intimate partnership with someone else besides you, but I’m ready to explore what the universe has to offer me.

“Dear, are you still waiting to bloom? Is your bud to tight for your delicate self?” Don’t let your thoughts put you behind its bars, even if it does you still have the key and you can’t find it anywhere else but inside your heart. I can’t command you to come back to me nor will I beg for you to look my way, but what I can do is heal and taking good care of myself because only that way I can keep myself alive to the day you step forward and claim me as your bride.

There’s nothing wrong with you, and in my eyes, you are flawless, so beautiful and perfect that I would rather be picky with those who come and ask for my hand in marriage. What I desire is simple; it’s you, but even that may not be granted to me if the choice you have made is so firm that nothing can make you budge an inch. “Am I still on your mind? Do I have a place in your heart?” These questions might be silly to ask, but they linger on my troubled mind. The only troubling is that I live without you in my life, but yet I know you exist somewhere out there. I can’t stop myself from wondering about you, and love you, even from a long distance I hope my feelings reach you, so you know that I am faithful until when this mission is over and far beyond time. The ripples of my loving thoughts about you make waves towards your heart; does it respond? Can you feel it?

I spend my time prioritizing what’s most important to me; myself; it’s you because we are one in heart and our soul carries the same vibration. I don’t want to ponder if you are my twin flame or not or doubt our connection, but when the doubt creeps in, and the day goes by my heart keeps reminding me to check on you, to love you, and to have faith that my love for you is real enough to bathe the entire world with it.

My heart is wide open to receive the love you have for me within your own, whatever you do, don’t shut the door until I have reach home; in your soul.

a.a

The Creation of A New Life

Since Tuesday the 26th of February, the solar storm hit me hard! I could feel the emotions of stress and anxiety about money resurfaced, but it wasn’t my own but the entire collective consciousness of humanity. There were a few gloomy news about people being trick by con artists and story about stolen identities floating around media lately which also affect us to be more cautious to whom we trust. I can’t decide whether it’s good to know these things or not; it helped as a warning to be more skeptic when it comes to people, or it served to instill fear in us.

But as I ride the waves of these solar storms and ground myself I get plenty of time to discover another layer of myself; my creativity knows no bounds. From Friday this weekend, I have been productive enough to be able to bake birthday cakes! It was stressful at the beginning and since baking is quite a challenge I still put on my apron and baked the cakes in my little kitchen. It was actually not well planned out since I had to improvise a lot in the middle of baking, but luckily the result for all the cakes was not at all bad. They did taste as good as they looked and I even invented some of the decorations myself.

The kitchen and the living room become quite a mess, to be honest, and even I was a mess during the baking process, but it was worth the stress since people where so surprised and happy when they looked and ate the cakes.

I thought to share them here so you will also take a look at my creations. Enjoy! And I hope you were able to ride the waves of the solar storms and get plenty of rest while grounding yourself.

Happy weekend!

a.a

An Old Belief Released

I never thought I would say this, but writing is now my second best hobby. I have been too busy with my new found freedom and immersed myself in cooking that I haven’t had the time to write. My passion lies elsewhere now; it’s in food and cooking. Yeah, you heard me. Can you believe that someone like me who had a fear for swallowing solid food is now staying hours after hours in the kitchen to make homemade food?

My Akashic Records has already told me years ago that my fear for swallowing solid food and the fear of choking has been because I didn’t speak my truth and were always holding back all the words I wanted to say.

I didn’t have the courage back then to speak up and unload piles of responsibilities back to my mom and shared them with my siblings regarding helping her. I thought I didn’t have a choice to live my own life. It was probably a belief that has been programmed within me since I was very young. The Vietnamese culture is when you are old enough you are to support your parents when they are old, and as their children, your responsibility is to make sure to give them a hand when they need your help. Due to respect and to be “filial” towards your parents who gave you life, birthed you to this world, but that belief has never been valid for me since I felt it was something not quite right with that tradition. I felt such a conflict because I wanted to help out of compassion and unconditional love, but not out of duty or coercion. Even though my mom probably never intend to coerce me to do all those things, but her behaviors when I rebelled against the tradition was not discreet. It could also be because I am susceptible and could quickly pick up other people’s feelings. I notice how dissatisfied she was every time I “try” to do it my “way.” It was conflict and resistance from both of us; I didn’t like the tradition, but my grandparents raised her with it so it must be hard for her to accept her daughter rebelling against the very thing she believed in her entire life.

Since the new moon in 4th February, my higher self has made her appearance (I’m not going to go into details about it just yet), and more of the upgrading I felt has shifted my family behaviors towards me. Something has changed between all of us due to my truth. I spoke it so openly and released so much pain and suffering in front of them; it was an episode of lots of tears from my side. My higher self intended it that way because something had to change since my heart was so locked that to receive love from others were nearly impossible. Later I found out that I actually didn’t trust others at all, and always felt I had to be on guard 24/7 when interacting with others and even when I was alone I couldn’t relax. I had a “need” to prepare for what could happen to me if I say this or that; spending most of my nights worrying, planning and calculating. It was exhausting for me to be that way, honestly, but after the 4th February, everything shifted, I get to spend two weeks relaxing and mostly because of the appearance of my higher self and the confirmation from my Akashic Records, I finally can rest with the assurance that all is well. That my work is paying off, and the time ahead will be brighter.

I don’t want to spend time thinking about how the future will be like in five years or more, but at this moment I know what I want, and I am creating the life I always wanted to have, with passion and dedication. I want to be my true self, my higher self and all the most living my truth without coercing others to believe in what I know is right for me.

People can believe whatever they want when it comes to this world and themselves and even others, it doesn’t have to be my business to change their beliefs. It’s not my job to correct them since the only one I can change is myself, and the burden is unloaded and put away once I accept people just the way they are. It’s probably how unconditional love is because the first step I must take is to love myself unconditionally and fully accept my flaws and quirks. The aspect of me who needed validation, respect, and love, the part of being human which I always reject, because I felt so imperfect, was healed once I loved myself and gave myself what I thought I could get from other. Whatever I needed outside of myself has always been within me, and the journey inwards to realize it was scary since my beliefs were because I was unworthy and ugly. My self-love issue was huge, and it took nearly a decade or two with deep reflection and upgrading of the higher consciousness and of course the help of my higher self that I could finally stop asking for validation and love from other people to heal and focus on nurturing myself with care and tenderness.

I don’t need to ask for permission to live my life from my parents or anyone else. All I needed was to decide and make a choice — a crucial decision whether I want to live with the feeling of imprisonment or freedom; to speak my truth.

And the truth is creating a life of my own was better than living someone else’s life, because chances are they don’t even know what or how to live their own, so why follow their design?

Whether you like it or not, but someday you will feel “enough is enough,” and decide to leave the old to embrace the new; the new life of your creation and the you who always longed to be accepted by you. It’s at least what I wish for you. Happiness is easily achieved once you accept yourself fully for who you are, and love yourself with the imperfection you had always felt within you.

What beliefs weighed you down at this moment? Sometimes asking yourselves questions will give you the solution and answer to your problems.

a.a

Letting Go; An Act of Liberation

Beloved Miracle,

I honored your choice because it gave me a clear sign that I needed to let go completely and I did. It was liberating to move on without guilt and lingering to what we had. I realized I wanted something more, something reliable and stable. I also felt I deserve someone who will honor me for who I am and what I am here to contribute, a partnership where both can take responsibility for the actions and words we put forward.

In my heart I know I am in love with you and I still care for your well being, but as I walk further towards my own light and grow spiritually, I know letting go of what we had was necessary for us to maybe grow closer to each other on the 3D level of reality. What we had was at a low frequency and low vibration, it was co-dependency because I sought after your love from the outside and neglected myself.

The Twin Flames journey has been an ultimate challenge for me, and it has always challenged me to honor myself and love myself for who I am instead of looking for love and validation from someone else. You mirrored back to me what I needed to heal within me, and for each time you “ran” I was forced to look at the pain and suffering that surfaced within me. I know, it’s not easy when all you wanted was peace and carefree life, but as long as you still live a conditioned life and run back to your comfort zone where things feel more comfortable and safe things won’t get any better. Although I am the awakened one to the truth of our connection, I have to let you roam and explore your options while you are in your own process.

For once I want to stop all the blaming and bitterness towards you and release all anger for how you unconsciously treated me. We did what we can throughout our connection when we were in touch. It was designed that way, one of us must lead the way, and I chose to be the one who will walk ahead to clear out the path while you kept watching and guarded me towards my ascension. You hold space for me for so long, and now it’s time for me to hold the light and hold a space for you to grow in your own light towards your own ascension.

Reunion and union is a temptation and almost a fairy tale, but we can only reunite and be in the union by going inwards and walk the path and live the life we have design separately together. While in separation we are actually doing it together. Even though it doesn’t make sense, but we are in this together as we already agreed to before coming to this earth plane. Our soul bond is so strong that even if we are separate in the 3D reality, we are still connected spiritually. In separation, we are moving closer together as long as we realize that the time we are apart is the time to process and integrate our higher selves. We are granted the time to access the pain and limitations during our separation to heal.

True love is knowing the love is still there between us even if we aren’t “there” physically with each other. True love is knowing we can heal and help each other by treating ourselves with care and loving ourselves, by nurturing individually in our own time instead of demanding the attention and care from each other regularly. Neither of us has abandoned the other. The circumstances we are in, what we have decided to experience in this life was a designation to make us both grow in unconditional love. It’s our mission to show the world that true love exists, and not only true love alone but unconditional love is our heritage and the most natural love there’s in the whole cosmos.

I can’t spark a light within you without moving on. This sudden change might feel uncomfortable and even painful, but eventually, you will understand the reason why I chose to “move on.” I can’t weather the storm by being passive in my own life, and I can’t put it on hold, at least not any longer. I feel you regardless, and despite distance and separation, you will always live within my heart and dance in my soul.

Once you decide to look for me, I hope we will come closer to our unconditional love and live it without shame and guilt, that our desire will eventually come true for the sake of humanity.

a.a

After The Dawn

I never thought I would experience the “Dark night of the soul” so many times in my life. But at last, the sun is melting the snow, and the glorious rays peeked through the sky and gave me an everlasting hope for a better future.

As long as there are still trapped emotions the purging will continue. The purge was intense and even painful, to be honest, but as a Starseed, on a mission, it was necessary to transmute dark energy into light. The night was lonesome, and sadness was overwhelming to the point where I had to shed tears while embracing myself. The only difference this time was that even though I cried because I felt lonely, I didn’t feel I was alone. I had to face the path I have chosen alone, and the process of becoming my true self can’t be rushed. It was daunting to do it all by myself, but never did I go through it without the help of those around me and my spirit guides and higher self.

The difficulty I faced since November and all the hard works I did eventually pay off. I know I am not 100% there yet, but as for now, I feel content. Content enough to keep paving the way for those who will come after me.

I was thinking of cleaning this blog and start over, but I haven’t make a decision yet. It’s not like I haven’t done it before, and I thought to myself; “The past can’t be erased, but to revisit it once in a while to reflect wouldn’t hurt, as long as I don’t dwell in it, then it should be fine.” And to become who I am today was also thanks to what I have been through in the past.

The past didn’t shape me, but it leads me to desire to be the better version of who I was, the person I am meant to be all along. All I dreamt of was being my true self and speak my truth, and now I am confident enough to decide my own destiny rather than let people dictate what I should be doing in life, I am now the one in charge of it with full confidence in myself.

The pieces have now come together to create a perfect picture, and I can see it clearly from where I stand. There’s so much more to life besides suffering and pain. If it seems dark where you are now, remember one thing, after the dark comes to the dawn. And before sunrise, if you could, you must let the old version of you “die” or transform. Ressurection of the soul is the death of the ego.

Before dawn, everything looks gloomy and dark, but the sun never fails you, because it will rise and better yet, it never has gone anywhere, the earth rotates, and life will give you many chances to wake up to a brighter day.

Keep the faith and reach out for help if it’s unbearable to do it alone, but remember; eventually, you are the one who can save yourself. People can give you a hand, but you are the one who needs to take their hands and trust in yourself enough to make it through, to have discernment that the help is coming from the angels who walked the earth beside you, and not the devil who lured you in co-dependency.

a.a

Self Love

Beloved Miracle,

In the morning glory, I am asking Divine Father God for a resolution. I want to break free from this “waiting,” because in my heart space I am waiting for our reunion, but I am wearing tired of it. Time and space are compressing my heart, and it’s hard to endure when all I desire is to have a glimpse of you.

I am sorry for being selfish, but I have decided not to wait any longer. I am not walking away and give up on you, but I think the best for us is not me sitting in one place and wait for you to come when you are not yet ready to enter into my life again. I heard the call to which I answered with obedience.

I love you, Miracle, but I can no longer support the illusion of time. It’s not that I am impatience, but I understand that divine timing plays a more significant role in our reunion than our concept of time. I really don’t know what else to do than to let go and let God; He is the only one who can alter this situation I am in right now, and whether you hear my heart calling your name or not, I can’t stop my own process of healing and become whole within me.

I pray that we both progress in our path to wholeness and that we both heal from our ailments of lifelong injuries. Whether in health or sickness I am willing to stand by you and be by your side once we become one in heart and soul again, just like before we got split into two souls.

I won’t wander far away, because it’s not possible for me to cut ties with you. Our connection is heaven made, and it has been so life after life, we are tethered in eternal love which is why it’s so hard and impossible to turn away from this love we share.

My willingness to create heaven on earth must come first, but I can’t do that without you, but “waiting” for it to happen is like feeling stuck in a place I don’t belong to, and for me to release this energy of stagnation I have to remove myself from the confusion and illusion of time. I will lift the veil for you so you can see again with your eyes that heaven is here right in front of us, and my soothing voice within your heart is beckoning you to wake up from whatever dreams you may have.

My love, be in awareness of your surrounding and once everything is done, come back to me safely because somewhere along the line, my heart yearns and waits for you.

For now, I am wandering off to gather more love to fill our hearts because once my heart is brimming with love, I know you will feel it too, and love is all there is, and all there is, is love.

Because committing to this journey of self-love is also one of the many tasks I need to complete before everything else.

beau taplin self love

a.a