I want to write something more transparent than what I have been written so far. I have all my life sought after truth and love; looking outside myself for answers which couldn’t be found. The reality outside me was a reflection of my thoughts, and my lower consciousness. Even at times I was unaware of my surroundings and wanted to escape the reality I try so hard to perceive. So many questions as to why I kept running into the same problems and situations leave me tethered and worn out. And yet I had this driving force within me to clear my path and pick myself up from the ground and walked towards what I have ever dreamt of being; to be who I am without fear.
The fear that I wouldn’t belong anywhere if I didn’t fit in slowly losing it grips on me by the time I surrendered to my Higher self. I did my shadow work, and painfully healed my wounds. I met many souls on my path, who mirrored back to me and be the catalyst for my healing. Instead of cursing them for trigging my wounded self, I thanked them and sent them off with acceptance that I was the one who was responsible for my own healing. Even though that brief connection brought me a lot of insight, some connection can’t be kept I am grateful that they came to help me during my process to healing and ascend to 5D consciousness.
As I am now whole and healed and reached my goal of ascending, anchored in the 5D consciousness and vibration I find myself being triggered as if the wounded me isn’t yet truly healed since I still feel sadness and at times unworthy. The only differences I have noticed was that I was able to give my sadness and a sense of unworthy feeling space and be present for them to freely flow through me without judgement. The lower emotions or feelings aren’t so scary as it was, therefore I feel I am more light hearted and more able to let them go. I don’t see these triggering as a curse, but more like a catalyst for where my focus is, and how I could shift focus to something else so I could maintain my high vibration without blaming someone else.
Being in 5D consciousness and vibration has given me quite a new perspective on life and all of my connection I have are much more meaningful than before. I become someone I have always dreamt of being, authentic and emotional stable with high integrity. I was able to give voice to my needs and desire with other people, and whether they are met with acceptance or not didn’t bothered me, at least I am honest to them and mostly to myself. Through the unconditional love I was able to give myself I am able to love other unconditionally as they are. Even though unconditional love is to love the person wholly as they are and how they are it’s not to be confuse as to allow mistreatment and stay in their abusing energy.
I have realized that with tremendous power and capability to love myself, I am responsible for my own happiness and create the reality that I want to live in. As I live with a 5D consciousness I noticed my past no longer haunts me and I live more in the present moment. It’s a final good-bye to the past me who always pleased and was too afraid to provoke other people with uncomfortable feelings with my truth and feelings. Things are more light, and even when I dip into the lower vibration, I could observe with kindness and compassion, and truly love the the lower aspect of myself unconditionally.
Self care become a natural routine I do every day, nourishing myself with food, play and rest. My friends enjoy being in my company and I too am comfortable with them in their company. There’s no room to hate or judge anyone, and sharing the space between us isn’t an attempt to be less lonely, because I can certainly be alone without feeling lonely. Loneliness was something I used to feel, but that was because I didn’t merged with my Higher-self and wasn’t present for the child in me. It was first a painful feeling to feel lonely as I decided to feel it completely, and took the courage to face the pain and when I did I created a space to be able to observe that pain and the feeling of loneliness without judgement or fear, and finally for once be present for my inner child. I freed myself from the feeling of loneliness.
We usually avoid the pain we are suppose to face, fear it would be too painful and unbearable, but if we don’t face it and be present for ourselves we will always be met with the pain of not being loved by us, because we are too focus in the absent of the love from someone else or their absence in our lives. Emotional pain is a catalyst and a doorway to healing, wholeness, and freedom if we dare to look within and have the courage to release it from our heart with forgiveness and compassion. Emotions and feelings are our inner navigating system to our outer reality. It’s only with them can we truly transcends our mind, because they alert us to that which isn’t in alignment with others or events. To correct our mind from negative thinking we must learn to observe and be present in our thoughts to be able to shift focus to something more positive. And to say that our intuition isn’t working means we don’t trust our feelings or emotions. At first we can’t be able to trust it, because maybe we have been told that what we feel isn’t correct or right, someone taught us not to trust ourselves, and therefore we willingly gives our power away to people outside us asking them for guidance. Someone who guides you well, will always point back to your inner navigating system, the other thing we need to learn is discernment from what is false and true. And if we can’t trust ourselves, our feelings and emotions, and instead let someone else decide for us then we will always be imprisoned and not free to choose for ourselves what is right for us.
When I accepted myself fully as who I am instead of trying to fit in with everyone else, I felt more stable, comfortable in my skin, and sturdy; more able to trust myself, my judgement and intuition. I walk up straight with a backbone, chin up and face other without fear of them seeing who I am. I can look people in the eyes, hold eye contact and speak my mind. It’s such a blessing to be able to feel everything deeply, and as an empath even how much I isolate myself, I can’t never truly closed the door from the energy outside the world completely. I do feel people’s distress, discomfort, fear and chaos. Low vibrational energy in the collective consciousness and what’s happening in the world do affect me in a way that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable, but as a healed empath in more emotional balance state I let the energy flow through me and transmute them by holding the light within me brightly with love; imagining I bathed myself in healing light, and send back the love and healing I intend for the world to have.
If you are on your healing path, know that you are not alone, and you can always reach out to people who you feel have a light energy in their aura, or that their presence are calm and serene. Don’t be shy to ask for help during these times, even it’s to ask for advice or just to have someone to talk to can help you during your time of darkness. Mostly, remember, you too are the light the world is waiting for. Don’t be afraid to be who you are and shine your light.