When you previously loved someone so much and had all the romantic fantasies about them turned you into a desperate stalker, which happened to be a habit from after you realize you were becoming too attached and need to let go, you will get to choose. It’s either loving them from a distance and keep stalking their social media, or letting go entirely and wiped out every memory you have had together to save yourself from humiliation.
The phrase “love yourself first before you love anyone” sounds like a cliché, but it’s utterly true. You can’t comprehend the love anyone is giving you unless you have loved yourself first. The first step to moving on and getting on with life lies in this cliché, and to master this, you need to practice it daily.
Even how painfully it is to deal with your shadows, you need to come to terms with them and accept the flaws that you previously override even to start to love yourself. It’s all about the realization of the person you are in your core, your real identity, and the blueprint before the world told you who you were. Who you are is not someone with a name, an address, or anything outside of you, the mundane things you acquired over the past few years. It’s the whole you, your soul, your personality, and the shadows you hide so no one would see. It’s easy to look past these things and distract yourself from recognizing that you are indeed the one who can turn your pain into joy, and heal all the past hurts. Until you sit in tears and stop running from the pain, your shadows, and hurts, you can’t properly heal.
If you want to love and be loved in return, you need to recognize the patterns that had kept you away from it, and the person who you need to meet before you even find your significant others outside of yourself is you. You will need to get up, dress up, and rendezvous with yourself in the full truth of who you are and embrace what you once dislike about yourself. Getting to know yourself must be the first step in the realm of dating someone else. If you don’t grief over the loss of the person, you once were, and feel that pain when you are lonely and stay present in your hurt, you will always meet people who will trigger you all over again until you become frustrated and bitter of why the world treats you like you don’t matter.
I’m sure you don’t like the idea of not being wanted or don’t matter to someone you claim to love, or indeed love. Still, love is not that complex and complicated. It’s just because we tried too hard to mold the person we love into our ideal partner that it becomes a complexion, and it complicated our relationship to the extent that we thought they have changed. It’s especially so when they couldn’t withstand to be who we want them to be, and the truth is painful once we see them for who they are. Reality is we all are unique and different, and we all have flaws we wish we didn’t have, but the truth is, we all have shadows, issues, and even some triggers we haven’t dealt with yet, that’s why a relationship always revealed to us what we need to heal from in our subconscious mind.
Before I recognize the truth, I met my loneliness and the pain of it and finally, I was present with the girl who has always been left to herself by distracting myself, I am now free to heal from my past pain. It wasn’t easy, but with braveness and determination, I was able to let go of my desperate need for someone to love me so I could feel worthy of being a human.
In the naked truth of who I am, I found a perfect partner to be with, and that’s no one else but myself. I was able to fill the void in my heart and be comfortable in my skin, and whether someone loves me or not, I now know I am worthy of love, simply because I am a human being.