The Flickering of Memories

Have you ever had memories of a sweet love flickering like candlelight in your mind? It cast a shadow over your present moment, and you just relived the past you had with them once again, but the worst part is that you remember those tears you have been crying, and how many times you have been disappointed by the person you thought will never leave you.

Within that moment you thought for yourself; “Would it be cruel of me if I move on, and leave the past to the past?” Who can blame you? You did what you could back then, you gave in and tolerated what you shouldn’t have to tolerate at all. Because your self-worth was zero back then doesn’t mean it will remain zero forever, but to blame yourself for your poor decision or guilt-trip the person you love or care for will not make things any better. Within your heart, you know the love you have for them is still there, and it might never go away since what you experience with them in the past was real, at least it was true for you. You love them so much that you were willing to sacrifice your own desire and you gave more than you ever get back, but you never thought for once that it shouldn’t be that way.

You were blindfolded by fear, and not blind by love, because only fear of losing them could make you choose so poorly, to stick around when you know you shouldn’t because apparently you will get more hurt by holding on than letting go. And within this moment the flickering of the candlelight which cast the shadow over your life with nostalgia makes it hard to let go completely, so you rather choose to blow it out and let the room in your heart remains dark than revisiting it to reminisce over a past that holds you back from moving on. You moved on, and you know it will never affect you anymore, not because you don’t love them, but because you love yourself as if you were them, and it’s a conscious choice to create a healthier connection with someone else since you have learned from your own mistakes.

You took off the blindfold, and you let the fear fade away by allowing the love you have for them remind you that you deserve more and your self-worth has reached over the top where you can’t any longer consider yourself worthless to receive anything less than you deserve.

The person left a long time ago, the candle they once lit up has burned up, and you have kept on changing it and lit one after the other; you woke up and realized; they will not come back, they choose someone else and build a life without you in the picture. The room in your heart where you sit and wait, lonely with only a candle to warm you during winter is now making you freeze, and it’s unbearable, and the hope for them to come back and rekindle the spark or warmth you is zero, the same amount of the self-worth you once had. You started to ask yourself; “Is it worth the wait? Can my life be put on hold any further?” Because during the time you changed the candles you have grown spiritually, emotionally and mentally, you have purged, you have been through so much of the same old things, and learned from your own mistakes with them, and with others around you.

You woke up and took a glimpse of the sun rays which shone through the cracks of your vacant heart, and you felt a longing; a longing to experience romance, spring, joy, and love, but not with the person who left, but this time with yourself and someone new.

You leave the room, but first, you have to remember to blow out the candle so that the flickering of it won’t overshadow your life; in the future, there will be someone who will stay and help you to watch over the fire in your heart, together. And then you will know that your worth has nothing to do with anything outside of yourself, but because you are a beautiful divine being worthy of love by experiencing how it is to love as a human being.

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