Whether you know it or not, being in a condition of self-destructive thoughts are harming and I know this to be true because I struggle to love myself unconditionally. As a sentient being, I am aware of the depth of my own emotions, and surprisingly it affects you as well. It doesn’t matter how many times I want to depart and “go home,” my feeling of responsibility won’t let me, because the mission I am here to do is not finish. It’s somewhat irresponsible to leave the world in its worst condition than before I came and I chose to descend for a reason, and it’s to leave this place better than what it was.
In the middle of everything I am going through, the continuous pattern of my destructive thoughts makes it hard for me to be a human being. Yes, I am a human being, but it’s half true to what I believe because walking this spiritual path has led me to experience being a human as a spiritual being and not a human being having a spiritual experience.
Dear, I know, I have been hard on myself for as long as I know. I have created a high standard for myself being like God, but I am not nearly as Godlike. And when I failed to be happy, to forgive and not judge, I felt such a disappoint towards myself. But through the humility of making mistakes in life, I learned not to be arrogant. God created us humans in His image and likeness, we are an extension of Him, and we do possess His qualities, merciful, kind, loving and forgiving, but we don’t have the power He possesses to be omnipotence.
The distinction from God and humans is the ego. God is pure light hidden within our heart, but to survive and thrive in this world, at times the heart must operate our ego. God directs and inspires us through the center of our soul which our ego must comply, and let go of the control so life would be more comfortable to live. So often we forget the connection we have with Him, and we unconsciously make the ego goes on auto-pilot. I wanted to be so perfect that I forgot that I am just here learning to love myself and everyone else as they are through unconditional love. Self-compassion is required on this journey of self-realization, and you as a miracle have reminded me that I need not be so hard on myself.
Live. Yes, I am living this life now to my fullest. “You got to do what you got to do,” you said. And I am doing it through being the love I yearn to experience. Who else is better than you to love me, and who else is better than me to love you, because as we are one; I am you, and you are me. Loving myself unconditionally with the thought that it will affect you in so many ways motivate me to strive to be happy and to create a life where I can feel free and joyful.
Let the focus of love in my thoughts transcend every criticism I have for myself when life gets tough because every loving idea of you is a reminder to love myself unconditionally.