My Shizofrenic Head
Shhs! Do you hear something? If you are like me, then you might know that in silence there is a voice calling out to you and even at times asked questions. The voice inside my mind nearly introspects me of how I am feeling.
“Love, how are you?”
To it I answer;
“I’m fine, I think so.”
And the voice ask again;
“How are you feeling?”
I dread that question, but for being polite I answer anyway;
“No, I don’t feel anything.”
And so it is, I am numb. I never like to use medicine even when I am dead sick with fever, but now I have to use medication to put the psychosis in check, it’s to drown the shizofren in me.
We are living in a world where all are labeled. You either put a name on the tag or a price. And because of this black and white colored world, I feel like I just exist for no reason, but if I am here for no reason, then it’s no meaning in being here. So I put my brand on the tag and don’t let anyone define me.
I’m here with all these words written out loud. I AM!! And because of the words I AM, then that’s enough. I don’t need to be pretty, beautiful, smart or anything of what people perceive me to be because there will always be someone who thinks otherwise. The opposite of negative is positive and vice versa. So, I am just I am.
I had to search in every nook and cranny in my mind to find words worth describing my mood, but all I could squeeze out to make a phrase is not worth mentioning. I am vividly transparent, a bit low pitch, but stable and straight out vertical.
Oh, did I put a description anyway? You see, many drops of water could create a puddle and many words enough could make a sentence. If you are a writer and feel stuck somewhere, just start writing one word at a time, and suddenly you will have a long page of meaning to the words you are writing. Or if you feel stuck in life, just be still, keep yourself in good company and listen to the voice; thoughts that sound like someone is talking to you. Does the voice sound okay? Or is it bad? Does it come with some ideas? Does it dream of a better tomorrow?
If there’s evilness in your head, don’t take it seriously.