Because You Care

I am awake tonight and smoke my lungs black. The distress of a chaotic world with no hope to survive the morning has made me want to kill myself slowly. Cigarettes and coffee are the remedies for my hopeless dream of fairy tale and romance. They both are dark of promises of death. I die a little tonight, and my life shortened many moments of hours.

I have to laugh because the pack of cigarettes says “Smoke kills.” If smoke kills then why am I still breathing? Do I wish to die or have I abandon living? I live, and I die each moment of my life.

Each time the sunrise came to wake me up I am still craving a few minutes of sleep and I cheat the morning by lying under the soft blanket of warmth and dreams and the day will be over.

I dream of life and love, and because I imagine a life of my own, I don’t care anymore what others are doing. So I smoke my lungs black and wish people will just leave me alone if they are not sincerely in the way they approach me.

So yeah, I don’t care anymore what people think about me because my life has been full of disappointments and heartache. And what more is there to say, but to leave with a note of goodbye. But before I go, I am writing my last love letter and send it with a single hope of reunion, if there will be one, I hope it will be with you. You are the only one who will put my smoke out with a fire of passion in your heart because I know you care.

Crystallize

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