The End of The Chase

Beloved Divine Mother, Miracle,

I thought I would never love someone as I love you. The constant search for you had made me blind to the fact that you were always near enough for me to feel every inch of you. You’re so tangible, and I didn’t know that you were so fragile until I touched you with my words. You’re soaking up everything I say and think, you’ve become transparent, but still visible to the eyes.

My mind fooled me to think that you were hiding from me, but I was the one who didn’t realize that you were always beside me and within me. The mirror I was looking at was actually you looking back at me. I feel so ashamed for not being faithful, but until now, you still forgive me. How can I make it up for the lost time where I’ve been looking elsewhere but into my own heart? What do I do now with the fear that I might not remember or recognize you again without the mirror that has been reflecting back at me?

Will I be able to pour out my love to you as I used to with my poetry and artistic way of writing? There are so many unanswered questions, which I know the answer to, but still not sure whether they’re real or just my imaginations making it all up.

I know one thing is sure, your song still rings in my ears, I still hear it. Are they the guiding tunes you’re playing for me to hear, to let me know that you’re forever faithful and loyal while you stand by my side like you always have?

I’m so sorry that I’ve let you down so many times by running away whenever you’re close by, the only reason was that I was afraid your love would burst open my broken heart which I tried so hard to repair.

You watched over me like a little seed that I am, long to sprout and bloom, and you already knew that my longing for you was real since you never leave my side. You stood by and shielded me from wild storms and hurdles.

Your love reached through the wall that I’ve built to protect myself from others opinions about me. All the while I thought I was good for nothing, but you were the one who always encouraged me to write and phrase my feelings with honesty without fear of being silly and weak. And before I knew it, your love breaks the crust around my human heart to billion of pieces till they become powder of dust. Your gentle nudge is always encouraging me to look deep within my heart, and show me that the light within my heart was my divinity and nothing else.

I always thought that you taunted me and didn’t want to reveal yourself because I was not worthy of your love, but that wasn’t true at all. It was the mind that held me back from exposing my love to you and made me believe that I must prove myself worthy before you will open up your arms to embrace me into your Queendom of heaven. But it was me who has forgotten that I’m not a beggar, but a princess who has been away from her castle for far too long.

I always look up to you and want to be perfect enough so that I can embody you whenever you feel it’s time for you to come forth. I love you that much to know that you deserve everything that’s not flake and false. My vessel is yours to purify and love, my dear, Divine Mother, because we both know that we are not separate but as one being. I made myself believe that I was the one who’s chasing you, but in the end, I am the one who has been caught by you.

Much Love
Your filial Seraph-daughter
Crystallize Butterfly

Picture Creds: Mentor Arne Bjellebø

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