Once Awake, Forever Awake
Each morning when I wake up, I feel exhausted and a little bit reluctant to get out of bed, because sometimes the tide of emotions caused by the moon is welling up inside me at night make it impossible for me just to close my eyes and go to sleep. Other nights the stars will pull my hair, wooing me to go somewhere because of the restless feeling I feel inside me. They plant ideas inside my mind and talk to me about how brilliant it would be to gather more light into every cell of my body so that I can heal all the wounds and scars I have cumulate during my journey here on Mother Earth.
Even though I feel tired during the morning when everybody is waking up to a busy day, I will not idle and waste more time in sleeping. I am healing, at a rapid rate. I promise myself that I will fan the flame to my passion so it will burn like a fire to heat up the frost in your heart. In the moment of aloneness, I do my best not to feel insecurity, because I loathe that kind of feelings. Makes me want to stop existing or following the star trace that Lord Yeshua made the time he left the 3D world and go back home to Venus.
There’s nothing different with us, we both have a heart and a soul. We have just chosen a different path to carry out our mission.
My heart is tender, it might break consistently and bleed endlessly for cruelty, injustice, and inequalities, but it will not break me because my immortality renders me the power to keep going and standing firm on my two feet. It taught me to let light seeps through the broken heart each time I feel an aching pain or a burst of grief. There’s no point in trying to fix or mend the heart, let the light of your soul encompass your heart in safety, while you shake off the feeling of hurt and pain with your tears.
There’s no shame in crying because tears are holy water, it rinses the soul and purifies the mind, soothing the aching heart and heal the body. How do I know? Because I have been washing my face with tears all too many times when the night befalls upon me, I would cry alone when everyone else is asleep. It’s my way to release and cleanse myself from hurt and pain.
I am innocent and vulnerable into the core of my being, but I am still strong enough to not shed a single tear in front of someone I know would use the opportunity to mock me for being weak or too sensitive. Even though I have no enemy, but I know people’s ego would take pleasure in seeing me getting hurt, or they just don’t understand the reason behind my tears, and I don’t use tears to get pity. I never feel the need to fish for sympathy by using tears to manipulate people to give me what I want. And not everyone deserves to see me cry.
So yes, I will still wake up each morning even though I had been crying for the pent-up emotions inside me or that I have been moved by something the night before, but I will not give up. I won’t idle or be passive and let time pass by without conveying my feelings to you.
Because I love you too much to leave you alone all by yourself, even though we are miles apart and the gap between us still need its time to close up, but you are living in my heart. And I will travel to you with a single thought, just within a heartbeat, as fast as the speed of light.
My love, even if the autumn breeze and the clouds cover up the shine from Grandpa, but he is still there shining behind it. Let the crips and clear wind ruffle your hair as if it was me playfully touching you.
Remember the time I told you; The colors of the leaves are my emotions for you. I’m letting the warmth of the colors of the leaves heating up the rain because you love the autumn rain.
I am awake, my love. It took me so many years to step up to the role of the Supreme Seraphim. But now, I am more than fine while sitting on my throne.
Never to worry that I will fall back to sleep because I can’t. Once awake, forever awake.
With all my love,
Your Crystallize Butterfly.