I don’t want to sing a song of uncertainty towards you, and I dislike the way I entertain myself when it comes to the words “what if.” In my world, “what if” doesn’t actually exist, but because I have been here for so long that I am not sure anymore if who I am is enough to win you over.
Lately, I feel like we haven’t talked for ages, even though it was only a few days ago I heard from you. Without you, my life is meaningless as if I exist in a world without colors.
I am not trying to be romantic by stating such words. I mean it, I can’t live without romance and mostly harmony in every relationship, I thrive when I can express myself with whatever feeling I have inside me with the people I have close to my heart.
And I don’t want to be romantic with just anyone. Remember the first time we met the 8th of August? I don’t know how you perceived me that time, but when you step out of the car, I saw the way you glow, and from that moment, I silently swear that I want to stand by you as long as possible. I made an oath without realizing that I did because whenever I think of you, I remember who I am. The little moment when I caught you happy smiling at me made me smile inside, and I couldn’t help but fall for you.
Starlit, I actually run out for words to describe this glorious and passionately love for you. Every single love song tells the tale of my love to you, every note and symphony are the heartbeats of my unconditional love I have for you. I don’t know why, but I am terrified of losing you, and as I said, I entertain myself with the words “What if.” What if you don’t want me as much as I want you, what if someone else is lucky enough to have caught your heart, and I am here having a one-sided love.
I don’t mind giving you my all, and I don’t count what I have given you because I want to shower you with my time, attention and gifts of tender care. None of that matters to me, you know material goods has never been an issue for me, what matters the most is that you find them useful and that you feel loved, fulfilled and freedom to be who you are meant to be.
I want things to be perfect, but I know it’s not always the case. My perfectionist is the way of old habits because I am star born, everything I want or desire will be manifest with the speed of light, but since I had forgotten how it was to be “perfect,” I feel myself not enough.
I want you to peek inside my heart and see what’s hidden in there. Inside my heart is you, I hide you there from the cold and brutal world, while I pull down more light and create paradise in my mind so that you will live a life with grace and harmony. I have faith that my love will elevate you so that you will love yourself 100% without shame or guilt so you can sit on your throne and rule the world with me. When there’s paradise on my mind, I will project it outwards so you can see the fruition of Heaven on Earth I have promised myself to fulfill.
I am the decree of unconditional love and peace. My love, everything I have been writing in this blog is not just metaphor, and I don’t write just to write. I choose every written word carefully with the purest intention and desire.
I want true love and nothing but true and pure love. In the purest form, I innocently open my heart so you can see my soul, glowing and dancing because you set your eyes on me. When I wrote the previous sentence, I couldn’t help but feel insecure, and right now I want to ask you a simple question, “Do you or have you set your eyes on me?”
If I don’t have you, what shall I do? I asked everyone at home on Venus to take me back, because I don’t want to care anymore if you settle for someone else. There are plenty of people here who will pull ascension together without me. I would rather leave than suffer needlessly. I don’t mean that I will abandon you or selfishly demand that you should choose me, but I know I can’t be your friend since I do have intimate feelings for you. It’s hard for me to stay friends with someone my heart sings a timeless symphony for.
Time for me is endless, but still not enough when I am with you. Starlit, I remember everything during my upgrading and actually my rebirth as a phoenix was glorious. You were there with me when I was reborn as if I woke up from a nightmare, where I felt so lost and scared of the world and its people. You were there consciously with me. I am not sure how to tell you, but I am here for you with every breath I take as you were there for me.
The fall is approaching now, and the cold breeze will set in, I am heating you up with my warmth and glowing emotions for you. Passionately thinking of you and enduring the time I don’t hear from you. I am not sure how to survive without you the days ahead, but I will do my best not to falter and not to entertain myself with insecurity.
Honey, I am strong, I can withstand whatever challenges and bumps that are thrown at me, and you are the fuel to my sacred fire.
Amaia Amara (Crystallize)