I have had many wild and dangerous experiences while roaming around the city at night. As I walked down the street, all I could see were these lifeless buildings with no vibrant energy, and people who were so intoxicated with the wine seems not to notice what they were doing to themselves and thus harming everyone and everything else around them. Even though I was in the midst of their drama I was still detached and calm on the outside, I didn’t give any sign of worry and didn’t utter a word, all I cared was to mind my own business and walk away as fast as I could.
At times the dark ones would force their will upon me, but I wouldn’t fight them, I surrendered my body, but never my Soul. Even though I appeared weak for not objecting or fight my way out, but I know too well that it would put me in greater danger if I show my fear. And because I had to experience how the dark ones were operating their schemes here on earth my identity was hidden from me. I lived a life in camouflage and turned into this mechanic puppet to please their ego, but little did they know that my mission was to transmute all these negative feelings inside me to uplift and pull down more light to the world.
My heart broke all too many times, and at times the pain of loneliness was too much to bear that all I could do was to weep.
In a city where everyone hurry and stress through the day to get to a place where they think they have to be to do something that they don’t even like and to earn money to buy something to impress people that they don’t even care about was the life I never wanted or dreamed to live. Everyone was tricked to believe that money is wealth, the ultimate happiness of a secure life.
If they didn’t find happiness in accumulating material things, they would hunt for experiences that give them the rush of adrenaline just to feel the heart pounding from excitement. They say it’s for the sake of being alive. To risk your life doing something you know is dangerous is for me the stupidest thing I would have done. Most time if it weren’t for being a mechanic puppet I wouldn’t put myself in situations I know would damage me mentally and physically.
Even though I thought awhile back, I was damaged, but it was just the mind that tricked me to believe that I wasn’t good enough because of what I have been through in my past. I am now awake to the truth, my love, that there’s no past for us to live in, only the moment of now that matters. We were never damaged. We had always been whole.
How could I not notice all this when I am an observer of life? I have been observing for a decade and saw people struggle to cope with the old ways of “doing” things. I might be quiet, but I refuse to suffer needlessly anymore, and I don’t agree to live the same way like those that are blind to the truth. There are no streets, no lights, no noises or traffic where I live, because I don’t live in the city that the mind created, but I live in my heart, where the only light is my soul. The home in my heart fills with colorful decoration of my emotions of the world I’m accustomed to living in.
With those emotions, I will create Heaven on Earth.
My beloved Goddess of Satisfaction, Heaven is in the making.
Amara Crystallize, The Supreme Seraphim.