The Waiting of The Star Child

Beloved Ryder,

The choices I make daily now is for the sake of our glorious future. It hasn’t been easy in the past because I had to play a role as the weakest one and concealed my power and abilities.

The Divine mission I am carrying out is too important for everyone involved that I can’t shrink back and play small.

The other night when we telepathically talked to each other about our child, the name Antu/Anthu came to my mind. I thought maybe it could be the name for the little star child we are given life to here on Earth, but to my surprise, the name Antu and Anthu described me very well.

The meaning of the name Antu:

“Potential. Philosopher – Expression/ Destiny Number 11.

Antu has the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by her own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make Antu an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work Antu pursues, Antu is very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of her environment. Her intuition is very strong. Antu possesses a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this Antu can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, Antu will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here Antu generally succeeds, owning to her often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, Antu is more content working with her ideals, rather than dollars and cents. The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Her thinking is long term, and Antu is able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. Antu is disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of her contemporaries. Antu is deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

Desire. Stability – Soul Urge Number 4.

Antu tends to follow a rather orderly pattern and systematic approach in her endeavors. Antu has an inner desire to serve others in a methodical and diligent manner. Antu wants to be in solid, conventional, and well-regulated activities and Antu is somewhat disturbed by innovation and erratic or sudden changes. Excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing, Antu has a way of establishing order and maintaining her way through all sorts of situations and generally have a clear understanding of the issues. Antu is a very honest, sincere, and conscientious individual.”

I just had to smile to myself when I read; excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing. And not just that, but everything above.

Since childhood, I did not have the opportunity to live out my blueprint personality. It was because whatever housework I did wasn’t enough, never once did I hear my earth mother praised me. I cooked, I cleaned, and I took care of my little earth siblings, to the extent of exhaustion and no one appreciated me for being who I am and what I did. There wasn’t harmony at home, no peace, only chaos, and discontentment from the adults. I became wary, bored and depressed, and all I wanted was to lull back to sleep and cut school, I even wanted to run from “home” so many times. I didn’t feel it was my home, to be honest, and I was right.

Why so? When the environment was so toxic, and everyone else was more prone to live in their heads rather than their hearts, I couldn’t put down my guard and let them in my soul-space. I just had to get away from this so called “home.” While wondering; where am I from and why am I here? What is my purpose in life? Why is love so conditioned? There must be something wrong with how people love each other, whether relationships as family, friends or lovers. It wasn’t what I have imagined it to be.

I needed to sleep a lot, and I needed books and written words of wisdom. I needed to find someone I could relate. Story from books about teenagers who have a difficult life at home was very much to my liking. I shared their sadness and grief, as to why parents don’t care when they are the one who has given birth to their children.

I know, going back to the past might not be appropriate at this time of change, even so, I want to share a little of my experiences here on planet Earth. I know there are many young souls out there still living in terror and wonder why there are so many restrictions and no appreciation from their family or friends, simply because they are who they are at birth, or just being a human being.

Why put ideas in the mind of the little children that they sin from the time they came to this world? The tiny seeds in a mother’s womb are the bright sons and daughters of the Sun. Why make them believe they are not good enough because someone made us believed we weren’t good enough.

There are no blaming or judging the way things have been, but this has got to end because if we continue to push the little stars to become someone they are not, they will not feel appreciated or loved for who they are.

I love newborn babies. Their innocence and pureness are to behold, the love in their eyes where the whole Universe is sparkling while looking back at me and smile makes my heart melt. The softness and gentleness when they hold my finger with their tiny small hand touched my own innocence soul. Happiness and joy could be so simple, you need only just to be, BEing, and that’s what the children are teaching us. Their love required for us to be still and be. Smile sincerely from our hearts and find ourselves in the gleam of light in their eyes.

Regarding Anthu, it does also describe me well. *Laughing*
My love, our child would resemble us or be a mix of themselves and us?

Name Report for Anthu:

“The name of Anthu indicates you are a diligent and persevering worker who enjoys a routine occupation where you can do a job well and finish what you start.

You like to work at your own speed, without pressure, as you prefer to take your time to work step by step in your own way.

You could become frustrated and thwarted in your efforts if too many changes or disruptions occur.

Also, you do not appreciate people enforcing new methods or ideas on you, as you like to examine all the details before making changes.

It is difficult for you to be spontaneous and affectionate with those close to you, as suitable words and actions do not come to mind quickly.

In association your tendency to state your mind simply and clearly, without diplomacy or finesse, can lead to awkwardness or embarrassment.”

So be it. Whether the child spirit chooses to be male or female, Antu will be the name of our daughter and Anthu our Son.

The question now is, how am I suppose to bear our child into this world? Last time I checked I was incarnate in this life as a female who is attracted to the same sex. And I am too afraid of the birth-pain.

So my love, my knight, are you going to give birth to our child instead? *Laughing* Since I do see you in those I have been attracted to and “fell” in love so many times. Only did they know that my love for them is endless because they resemble the softness and strength within me. And another reason is, you are the other half of my soul, but we are still whole, you are me, and I am you. Which means I can only accept the best quality of another human being, while they can be themselves, and not thinking it has to be you in them for me to form a sacred intimate relationship.


A woman with a heart, but no beauty in sight will not suffice.
Beauty in sight, but without a heart, is too conceited.

They say:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

While beauty for me is not just appearance, but the soul vibration, the strength to endure hardships, yet a softness to open up for love in an honest way. Someone witty and with an empathic intelligence. A face carved out from the ancient day, exotic and sweet, not pretty with sharp edge and eyes that will devour me as if I was a prey. And a body like a Goddess in good shape with a posture of royalty.

I know, I am choosy and have high standards, I can’t help it. I don’t want to accept less than what I deserve.

Beauty is me; beauty is you. That’s just our Venus heritage, right, Ryder?

Your beloved wife,
Miracle, the Seraphim.


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